For What We Hope
by Tyrunner
Summary: Chapter 6 up! "Pain is Recovery's First Step" A ME3 sequel, telling of Shepard surviving the end and reuniting with Miranda as well as dealing with the consequences of the war and his own decisions. Includes almost all characters in the trilogy and is right now rated T for content and language, but may change in the future.
1. Chapter 1

For How We Hope

_So! I'm back! And having read some of the ME fanfics just on a whim, I decided to get back on the saddle, though now a little older and a little more mature and with a bit more wisdom. This story will feature all characters _except_ Kasumi, Zaeed, and Javik. (Didn't download those characters, thus have no idea about them and am not going to include them, at least for now. Could still change over time. The power of the edit!) So, enjoy!_

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Chapter 1: Reflections in Limbo

Just after the Crucible activates

The explosions had faded away, with silence taking its place. No longer were the sounds of ships tearing apart, no more mechanical roars of the Reapers. Nothing filled Shepard's ears as he lay on the floor that he only assumed was the top of the Presidium on the Citadel. He was aware of where he was and what he had done, but nothing more. He knew he had fired at the arming mechanism of the Crucible, activating it. He remembered the explosion that seemed to envelop him, his body seeming to ignite with the Crucible. He remembered what the Catalyst had told him. He only had two choices: Either destroy the Reapers, as well as all synthetic life in the galaxy, or control them. He never could've chosen control, even if it was the better choice.

It was a hard choice for him to make, even though it meant the end, once and for all. He could never control the Reapers. It was what the Illusive Man wanted. Had Shepard chosen control, it would've only confirmed that the Illusive Man was still, in a sense, controlling him, like he made Shepard shoot Anderson. _Anderson_…Shepard cringed inwardly at the thought. He knew it wasn't his fault, but he still pulled the trigger, firing the shot that killed the man Shepard now knew as his mentor and teacher. His mind now started to recall everyone he ever knew, everyone close to him, who was no longer alive. His unit on Akuze, Corporal Toombs, Kaiden Alenko, Mordin Solus, Thane Krios, Legion…He saw their images as he fired at the mechanism. As if they were all saying, we're waiting for you. We'll see you soon.

Was he dead now? Shepard couldn't move, couldn't feel anything. He was still aware, but nothing else seemed to be there for him. He tried to move, but nothing seemed to respond. He tried to breathe, but he couldn't hear his breath. Silence seemed to echo through him as he continued to lay there. His mind now started to drift on those still on the _Normandy_, wherever it was. He remembered Harbinger firing on his squad. He had Garrus and Ashley, the two most loyal soldiers he had ever known and fought with, running with him to the beam that led to the Citadel. He remembered both of them getting wounded by Harbinger's fire and he had the _Normandy _pick them up. He felt his heart ache as he watched them go up the ramp, Ash being supported by Garrus. He saw the pain in her eyes as he stepped back and said his parting words, ones he had said several times before.

_Take care, Ash._

He remembered how he had once felt about her. While their relationship was regrettably short, he remembered the good that had been there. He remembered first meeting her on Eden Prime. Everything changed that day, especially for him. He recalled how he had been before that day, what kind of a hard-ass he was. He always had been sharp-tongued to everyone, ever since his life in the streets when he was a kid. Arrogant, renegade; He always felt he had to make himself feared to be respected. When he and Kaiden ran into Ash on Eden Prime, he had yelled at her for leaving her squad behind to die from the geth. Then…then he encountered the beacon. The Prothean beacon. He recalled seeing Ashley suddenly being dragged to it. He grabbed and shoved her back to Kaiden, then got caught in whatever it was. Force field? Tractor beam? He didn't know what it was, but it branded in to his brain those images, those visions. And everything changed for him. He felt like there was more to fight for than just his respect. There was much more at stake. From that moment on, and especially when he became Spectre, he vowed that he wouldn't be the man he used to be anymore.

That included his relationship with Ash. He forgave her for what happened with the beacon, telling her it was nothing she could've prepared for. He knew that she was stung by how he had talked with her at the colony and he tried to make up for it. He was glad that she forgave him and then, things changed for both of them. The talks they had between missions, the funny awkward moments, such as hearing in on Ash's sister talking about how "cute" Shepard was, even the simple small talk about religion or their respective military careers. It all seemed to just work for them, all the way to their night together on the way to Ilos. And then…then the Collectors attacked. He remembered sending her to head the evacuations. He hadn't planned on dying, nobody can really plan an unexpected death, and when he found out she was on Horizon when he awoke 2 years later, he still had hope for both of them. She even gave him a close, intimate hug when they reunited after he halted the Collectors kidnapping the colony. But then, it all changed. Ashley, his first dear love, the woman he cared the most for, broke it up with him. He knew the reasons, him working with Cerberus, being dead all those years, but it hurt him. He had wanted to try to work it out with Ash, but she seemed to want no part of it. He still remembered her parting words. "Good bye, Shepard. Just…take care of yourself."

It hurt, badly. He remembered going back to his cabin on the _Normandy_, and angrily slamming the picture he had of her flat on the desk. _Dammit, Ash_, he thought to himself. It stung, like nothing he had ever felt before. Even though she sent him an apology later, he knew he couldn't be with her anymore. It was over between them. He had seen it before in her, how her mood could turn on a dime. Sweet, caring, poetry-quoting girl one moment, angry sharp-tongued woman soldier the next. As stable as he was, Shepard knew then it couldn't last between them. That sting still hurt him some months later when he visited her in the hospital, Huerta Memorial. He still cared for her, though, even visiting her when she had been unconscious. Seeing her get nearly killed by that Cerberus synthetic, Eva Core, it nearly broke him. Even though there was nothing romantic between them anymore, he still loved her, as a close friend and comrade. He tried to make things a bit better for them by getting her a book, the complete collection of Tennyson, one he knew she would enjoy. The conversation, though, that brought back the pain of her breaking up with him.

_Hang on. _You _walked away on Horizon, not me. It was pretty clear you were done with me._

_I was hurt and angry!_

_I needed a connection with you and you shut me out…_

That conversation was hard for him. He didn't want things to end this way between them, especially later when he nearly had to shoot her during Udina's attempted coup. Would he have really pulled the trigger on her? He didn't know. And he was glad he didn't have to find out. It all ended well between them and he was happy for that. The talks they had on the _Normandy_, by the café in the Presidium. He thought fondly of those, being able to work things out with his former lover. He didn't want things to have ended the way it had been back on Horizon. He was glad it worked out between them, even when Ash had been skeptical.

_A lot has happened, Ash, but I'd like to work this out._

_I'm surprised._

_Why?_

_Miranda Lawson?_ _Ring a bell?_

MIRANDA…Shepard's thoughts froze at that. He knew Miranda was out there, thinking about him, and now his heart hurt like he never knew it could. He knew he had done something he had never done with her. He promised her that he would come back. He had never made a promise with Miranda, mostly because they were both never in a situation where they could, even back before the suicide mission.

He initially had never intended anything with Miranda. He remembered the first time he really met her. Sure, he remembered her trying to calm him down when he woke up too early in the Lazarus facility, but later, when Shepard, Jacob, and Wilson were at the door to the evacuation shuttle, he really met her face to face for the first time. It was not exactly a simple meeting either. He remembered her simply shooting Wilson for betraying them, showing no emotion at all in what she did. It struck him, having read some of the Cerberus data logs before running into her. He remembered one of Wilson saying that Miranda was an "ice queen," and that was accurate enough for Shepard. Even when he tried to converse with her after meeting the Illusive Man for the first time, she was still a cold person.

It changed some when they boarded the _Normandy_ SR2. She even opened up some to tell him about herself, though she still seemed to have a bit of an icy attitude about it. _It's only fair. I spent the last 2 years learning everything there is to know about you._ The more he talked to her, though, the more Shepard started to feel pity for Miranda. Hearing how she was not born, but "created" by her father, so as to create a dynasty, it was something he couldn't wrap his mind around. A man creating a daughter to make his own name for himself? And then, when he helped her save her "twin," Oriana, he had only done it as a favor for saving him. He was surprised when he heard how Oriana was much younger than Miranda, but she explained everything, how her father created a new daughter to replace Miranda. He remembered distinctly what she said to him, with pain in her eyes and distain in her voice.

_I wasn't the first one he made; I was only the first one he _kept…._I wasn't a daughter to him, I was…I don't know what I was._

It was then that Shepard knew that Miranda was really a tortured soul, with really nothing but her work with Cerberus. He learned more about her, how she was basically deprived of a normal childhood, forced by her father to live up to his gaudy expectations. He felt a new connection with her, having had to make it on the streets of Vancouver in his youth. He remembered making her go speak to her sister for the first time. He had done it for her, to finally meet and have a relationship with Oriana. He never had a family of his own, and damn if he was going to let anyone else refuse themselves something he himself never had. He was glad he did it, especially when he talked to Miranda about it afterward. Seeing her smile and talk fondly about her sister, it warmed Shepard to see her like that.

He still hadn't expected falling in love with her. That had been the farthest on his mind, until he talked to her again. He remembered hearing her about how she didn't have what he had, as she put it. _That fire that makes someone want to follow you through Hell itself._ When she tried to humble herself by saying that she couldn't take credit for what she had been given by her father, only her own mistakes, he finally had to blurt it out.

_I can't admire your body or your mind?_

He had meant it, but it was that moment that he started to feel something with her. They continued their flirting, but just as it seemed to peak, Miranda stopped, clearly, as he saw it, flustered by the situation. Hearing her stutter, trying to cover up any possible romantic feelings, it made him smile, even as he heard her say as he left her cabin, _Stop smiling, dammit!_ He knew it then. There was something special between them. Why, he wasn't sure of that. Was it because he felt for her, having felt a kinship with her, given they both came from hard backgrounds? Did he feel that she needed someone special in her life? He recalled a conversation once with Jacob, after helping him find his long lost father, where Jacob seemed to hint that he and Miranda had a relationship once. Jacob had said something about how Miranda, "deserves a better man."

Whatever it was, the next time Shepard talked to Miranda, he knew that he couldn't hide his feelings about her. He knew she felt the same and he saw her try to cover it up again, saying how dangerous the mission was and how unlikely they were going to survive the Omega-4 relay. She finally gave in though, and he knew she couldn't deny her own feelings anymore, yet she seemed helpless about it.

_What idiotic bunch of hormones thought that _now_ was a great time for love?_

_Who said anything about love? I'm just trying to get you into bed._

_You ass…_

He remembered that smile of hers when she said that. He knew she did have feelings for him then. Then, when they had their time in the engine room, on the way to the Omega-4, he still thought fondly of it. Regardless of where it had taken place, he felt like something had filled him inside, like something had been found that he never had been looking for before then. If he had any reservations about being with Miranda, it disappeared when he invited Liara to the _Normandy_ to visit, and she brought it up.

_When I first met her, she was so cold; Completely focused on her duties._

_I don't think she's changed that much._

_She has. You have no idea how much you've changed her…_

When he had invited her to his cabin afterwards, sharing wine with her, snuggling close on the bed, he knew he had made the right choice with her. Seeing her face as she pressed her body to his, eyes closed, smiling contently, he knew…He could never be without her again. And when he was, as he put it, relieved of duty afterwards, grounded and held in the detention level at Vancouver, he still kept thinking of her, what she may have been doing, where she could be, and if she still was thinking of him. After the Reapers attacked and he got the message from her to meet at the Citadel, he felt his heart jolt with excitement and anticipation. Seeing her again, it made him feel at ease, if only temporary. The rest of his nervousness left when she asked him about them.

_Shepard, am _I _still part of your plan? It's been so long, I wasn't sure where we stood._

_Miranda, things are never going to be easy for us, but I'll always want you in my life._

He remembered her smile at that and he could tell that every fiber of her being wanted to hug him as tightly as possible and kiss him as long as she could. However, because they were in public at the Citadel loading dock, she just gave him a kiss on the cheek, but he knew it meant more than that. It made him even happier when she said that she said that it had been hard for her to be away from him. However, any chance of her joining him on the _Normandy_ disappeared when she told him that she had to deal with trying to find Oriana, who had gone missing. He wished to help her, though she insisted that she had to handle it herself, and it bothered him slightly, not being able to help her or have her by his side fighting again. It worried him even more when he went to Sanctuary much later and found she was there, as well as that cold bastard, Kai Leng. He had warned her about him, and when he saw that security footage of her being attacked by him…

Shepard knew it. He couldn't bear to lose her, not that way. He remembered rushing to her as fast as he could, through whatever Reaper forces were in his way. After finding her, and also having to deal with her bastard father, Shepard was more than relieved to find her alive. Battered, bloody, but alive. He stayed stoic inside, but he knew that he could've lost her, and if he had…he didn't know how he would've handled it. He never had heartbreak. He had felt pain of loss before, when he lost comrades, when he lost Ashley, but losing Miranda, after how he felt about her? He couldn't bear to think of it. And yet…here he was, about to lose her for good.

He felt his emotions well up. He had done something he'd never done with Miranda before. He had made a promise to her. He had never promised her anything. When she promised him to not die from the Collectors, he had wanted to promise her, but having just experienced death first hand, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He remembered the look on her face, one of almost breaking down.

_Just don't die. You promise me, dammit!_

_It doesn't work that way. We could all be dead this time tomorrow._

He didn't mean to lower her hopes, he was just being honest. Afterward, having survived the "Suicide Mission," it became kind of an in-joke between them, to never make any promises to one another. It continued when he told her to be careful several times when trying to find her sister, and then again on Sanctuary, when she asked the same for him. So, when he talked to her one last time, from Earth, just before making the push to the beam to the Citadel, he felt he had changed his luck when they said their parting words.

_Finish this, Shepard, and find me._

_I will…I promise._

Shepard knew better. He didn't exactly believe in luck, but…it almost seemed he jinxed himself when he said that. And now, here he was, on the brink of death, or dead, he wasn't sure, and all he could think about now was how she might be somewhere, alive, and wondering where he was, if he kept this promise that he himself knew he could never keep. Why did he promise her? Did he still have hope that he could somehow make it back to her? That it will all become a happy ending? He knew better. And now? He wasn't going to come back to her, was he?

Was he really dead, though? He subconsciously thought of why he had been thinking all this. If he was dead, he wouldn't be remembering all that he just recalled. He remembered when he first died. It was nothing like this. But, he couldn't move, couldn't feel anything, and hear anything, not even his breathing, which wasn't there. Maybe…maybe he just had to try…

Suddenly, he gave a sharp gasp and he felt the air fill his lungs, as well as the awareness of his body lying back, along with the pain that came with it. It was almost searing, but he was so weak now, that all it could do was stopping his breath short. He wanted to scream out, something to maybe alleviate what felt like white hot heat coursing through him. His eyes slowly opened and he could see debris partially covering him, obscuring part of his vision. He could now feel the pistol still in his right hand, as well as the feel of his armor, what was left of it, almost seemingly fused to his body.

He was…alive. But, how was this possible? He remembered the reflections that he had made, but how long had he been thinking of them? How much time had passed? Suddenly, he heard static and garbled messages in his ear. His earpiece was still working. Was one of the Alliance ships still nearby? One that could save him? Shepard almost felt like he was giving himself false hopes, that he was already as good as dead. No, he thought, if there's any chance that I can survive, to see my crew again, to see Miranda…

He tried to move his right arm, feeling the pistol slide from his grip as he let it go. The pain was almost overwhelming, trying its hardest to hold him back. _But Miranda…_The thought of seeing her gave him fresh adrenaline, enough to get him to raise his arm, through the debris that covered him, and press his finger to the transmit button. He tried to speak, but his voice seemed weak. Too weak to be heard, he thought. But he had to try…

"A-anyone?...Is…Is anyone there? This…this is…this is Commander…Commander…"

At that moment…

The Alliance frigate SSV _Dunkirk_ sat idle near what was left of the Citadel and the Crucible weapon attached to it. The Citadel looked badly damaged from what was seen from the observation window, but was still largely intact, easily salvageable. From his command post, Captain Jon Patrick stared at the galaxy map in front of him. It was completely blank, with no indication of any other Alliance ships or any ships for that matter. The _Dunkirk_ had been part of Admiral Mikalovich's fleet, protecting the Crucible, and it helped its cruisers defend the super-weapon. It survived a grazing shot from one of the Reapers, but it had its FTL drive fried because of it, so that when the rest of the combined fleets, what were left of them, left for the rendezvous point when the Crucible fired, the _Dunkirk_ couldn't leave. Captain Patrick was relieved that the ship was still intact and okay, though now they were, more or less, adrift above Earth. Their engines still worked, though without a working FTL drive, and all indications showing that the Charon Relay was down, there was nothing else that could be done, except to wait for…well, anything.

"Sir, we're still trying to get the drive patched up, but it's a slow process. I'm sorry, but I can only work on this so fast," The chief engineer's words broadcasted to Captain Patrick in the CIC.

"I understand, Walder, but I need this done ASAP. Until we establish communication with any part of the Alliance, we need to get this fixed. If anything goes wrong and we need to flee, we're sitting ducks here."

"Yes, sir. I'm doing my best. Will give you an update when I can," With that, the transmission ended and Patrick gave a hopeless sigh. He didn't like having to sit here, alone among the wreckage of dead Reapers and decimated starships. He knew there were dead people out there, hundreds, if not thousands, and it was unsettling for him. Suddenly, his specialist's words broke his thoughts.

"Captain, I just picked up a transmission from the Citadel."

Patrick froze, "What? How is that possible? Who is it?"

"I don't know, sir. The signal is weak, but it _is _coming from the Citadel, though not a part I'm familiar with. Here, listen…" The signal came in, and it seemed full of static. From the mass of debris, maybe? Patrick couldn't confirm that, but what he heard next made his eyes widen.

"_A-Anyone?...Is…-ere anyone? This i…-ommander…Command-…-epard…"_

"It…it can't be…" Patrick stared up where the speaker had broadcast the message. Was it really him? Was he really hearing this voice? He quickly opened a link to his pilot, "Worm! Get a lock on that signal and head for it, right away!"

"Aye-aye, Captain. Signal's pretty weak, but got a lock. Will be there in 5-10 minutes."

Patrick nodded and opened a new link to his other officers, "Genner, Franklin, Galvin, meet me in the shuttle bay. Prep for search and rescue!" As he hurried to the bay himself, Patrick couldn't help but feel some sense of hope. If it was true, that _he_ was alive…

10 minutes later

The _Dunkirk_'s shuttle settled near the platform where the signal came from. Initial scans showed no life forms and with the amount of debris present, nothing could indicate that there was anyone alive. Still, Patrick had heard the radio transmission, and even though he should've stayed back on board his ship, he had to know for certain it was who he hoped it was. Lt. Galvin scanned the area with his omni-tool and raised an eyebrow.

"Atmosphere stats are 78% hydrogen, 20% oxygen, sir. AKA, air."

Patrick nodded and slowly stepped out of the shuttle, looking around. It was completely silent, with two separate platforms with some type of machinery attached to it, one of which looked completely destroyed. The firing mechanism for the Crucible, perhaps? Patrick nodded to his fellow officers, and walked forward, simply taking in the surrounding area more as the officers started searching through the debris. Patrick walked to the other mechanism that was undamaged. He noticed to small pillars, almost the size of old-style bollards that he remembered from old pictures of shopping malls, designed to stop vehicles from driving through the front doors. There was a handle on each pillar, and Patrick slowly put his hands on them. He almost felt a subtle jolt when he touched them and pondered the purpose of the handles. Before he could think of it anymore, Lt. Galvin's shout broke his thoughts.

"Captain! We have something!" The lieutenant's shout came from the other platform across the way from where Patrick was. He quickly turned and walked briskly through the debris, even though some of it was soiling his uniform. It seemed trivial compared to what had been going on as Patrick met with Galvin, who was kneeling next to a particular pile, a dirty and battered pistol in his hand.

"This was sitting here, sir. There may be someone under this pile," the young officer started to dig through the debris, Patrick quickly helping him. As they lifted one particularly heavy piece off, Patrick's eyes widened at what he saw. There, lying on the floor was a man, but not just any man. His armor was mostly torn to shreds, the face barely recognizable with cuts, blood, and the like. However, the scar on the left side of the forehead took away any doubts.

"I'll be goddamned," the captain said with complete awe and amazement, "It _is_ him…" He knelt to the prone and apparently lifeless body, and was startled when he heard a raspy breath come from the body.

"My god, he's still alive!" Even though it wasn't his authority, Galvin's officer instincts kicked in as he turned on the radio on his omni-tool, "Genner, Franklin, get a stretcher here, on the double! And have the doctor ready, right away!"

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_Oooo boy, was this a trip to write! Still have some rough edges, but was surprised I got over 9 pages in with just over 5 hours total work. _

_Definitely need you, the readers, to help me improve this story, at least some. I already have an idea of the tone of this story, and I'm not going to really go overboard with sunshine and roses and all that jazz. Otherwise, enjoy and give me feedback! _

_Chapter 2 preview: The _Normandy_ crew is alive, but where are they? And, can Shepard be saved?_


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey, hey, Chapter 2 is here! Thanks to so many of you reading (and following and favoriting) chapter 1, You inspired me to hash out chapter 2! Have more to say at the end, so enjoy!_

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**Chapter 2: Marooned with Emotions  
**

The SSV _Normandy_ sat dormant among what almost seemed like a temperate rain forest. The crew had tried to surmise just what planet they were on, though every theory seemed as good as the next. It was now general consensus that they were somewhere in a remote system in the Perseus Veil, but nothing could confirm it for the time being. Inside, at the CIC, Lt. Commander Ashley Williams stood silent at the galaxy map, just staring at it blankly. It wasn't so much that she was looking at it as she was pondering, using the map as a hopeless distraction. She had much on her mind, and with so little to do, she had time to think it all over. She didn't ask to be the acting captain of the _Normandy_, she had suggested Garrus for it, but the crew as a whole agreed, since it was an Alliance ship, an Alliance officer needed to be in command, so Ashley, being the ranking officer, was given the role, with Lt. Vega named her XO.

Ash stroked back some of her shoulder-length black hair, sighing softly as she reflected on what had transpired for the last few days. Having gotten caught up in the so-called "wave" of red that chased the _Normandy_, the ship was pushed past her limits. As a result, the main drive core had shorted itself out, causing the ship the drift with its hard momentum into an unknown planet, somehow with no loss of any crew, and while they were able to restart the reactor enough to provide adequate power throughout the ship, the rest of the _Normandy_'s systems were still sketchy at best. Chief Engineer Adams, along with engineers Daniels and Donnelly, as well as Tali, had been working almost endlessly trying to get the ship back online, with very limited results. As for EDI…Ashley frowned lightly at that. She recalled after the ship had settled, everyone picking themselves up, with a general call of damage report, Joker's voice broke through, in almost desperation.

_EDI? EDI, can you hear me? Are you there…EDI?_

The synthetic body that EDI had controlled since Mars was now completely disabled and was lying in the AI Core, which as completely dark and silent. Ashley could recall how torn Joker seemed to be. Since then, he had been sitting quietly at his pilot's chair, completely silent, not even speaking to anyone, and he barely ate anything, even though Dr. Chakwas kept insisting on it.

"Ma'am?" James Vega's voice broke through the silence, though Ash didn't even really turn to acknowledge him.

"What is it, Vega?"

"We got some more systems up and running. Garrus says that weapons are for the most part intact, but won't know the full functionality until we get the complete power systems back online."

"And how is that going?"

Cringing inwardly, having forgotten to check on that, Vega went to his omni-tool, "Uh, engine room?"

Tali's voice, somewhat weary, yet sharp-toned, replied, "What is it, lieutenant?"

"Hey, Sparks, how's the progress going?" He winced lightly once he realized what he had said, but he noticed Williams having made no response. Tali's reply caught his attention, though.

"Still calling me that? If that's how you want it, Vega, I might as well just call you Lt. _BOSH'TET_! Now, for the last time, we'll let you know IF we can get this damn drive core WORKING!" With that, the transmission was promptly cut off. Vega shook his head, letting out a loud exhale.

"Whoo, so much for being _kind of_ jumpy…" James turned off his omni-tool and looked at Ashley, who was still staring at the galaxy map; arms crossed, with no emotion on her face at all, "uh…LC, do you want to talk to Tali? She's been like this since we've crashed here…" Ashley didn't answer, just letting out a long slow sigh, being non-respondent to anything. From behind, Garrus slowly stepped forward, having heard the whole conversation.

"It's fine, Vega. I'll go talk to her. Kind of need to anyway," with that, the turian went to the elevator, heading down to the engineering deck. James nodded and turned back to Ashley.

"Williams…maybe you should go take a break. You haven't moved in a few hours, you know?" Ashley paused before replying, not even turning to James.

"And do what, exactly? Mope in private?"

"You said it, LC, not me," Vega said it in jest, but very quickly cleared his throat, realizing how unprofessional he sounded, "Ma'am, I know I'm not supposed to give you any orders, but, as your acting…well, XO, I can make recommendations, and I strongly recommend you leave your post for a while. Don't worry; I'll take care of things. Make sure crew is in line, have no surprises come up, you know?"

Specialist Traynor, still busy trying to locate any comm buoys, turned her head to Ashley as well, giving a nod. "Lt. Vega does have a point, Lt. Commander. We've had no contacts with anyone, friend or foe. It may be best if you gave yourself a break." Her own voice was soft and weary from working endlessly to try to make any contact with anybody outside the _Normandy_. As competent as she had proven herself, intercepting a fake Cerberus message on the Grissom Academy and tracking down Kai Leng, Traynor almost felt over her head, trying to find any signals at all to contact the Alliance. Ashley finally looked over at Traynor, who just gave a smile that was trying to be friendly, but still had signs of sadness. The Spectre finally gave a reluctant sigh and nodded, stepping away from the galaxy map, turning to Vega.

"Vega, you're in command for now. If _anything_ comes up, let me know." With that, Ash went forward on the ship, walking past the saluting Vega without returning it, her eyes looking at the deck as she walked to the entrance door. She glanced up once at the cockpit and couldn't see Joker, making her assume he was in the AI Core room, probably staring longingly at EDI's non-working body. As soon as the door opened, she heard Traynor's voice, following standard Alliance protocols.

"Logged; Lt. Commander Williams is ashore. Acting-XO Vega has the deck." With EDI gone, and the _Normandy_ with no installed VI, Specialist Traynor took over the role of making announcements through the ship's PA system. Williams stepped outside and waited until the door closed before slowly walking out around the _Normandy_, now alone with her thoughts. Even though she had visibly refused it, Ash was glad to have the time alone. She was trying her hardest to lead the crew the way Shepard would've, but it didn't seem to be enough for her. Shepard…Ashley shook her head, her arms around herself in a way that looked like she was trying to keep away any outside influence. She didn't want to think of the last time she saw him, but it was all that seemed to come back to her. That image of him, the last time she ever saw him, watching him step away from the ramp, to continue towards that beam to the Citadel. Ashley had tried to say something to him, something she felt she needed to say to him. She could picture herself saying it as well: _I'm so sorry, Shepard. I never wanted to leave you on Horizon. If I could do it all over again, I would've joined you. I would never had left._

She felt her face contort as her emotions started to surface. She wanted to stay stoic, to keep herself outwardly calm, like Shepard would…there it was again, his name echoing through her head. It finally was enough for Williams. She promptly turned and slammed the side of her fist against the _Normandy_'s hull and let out a loud scream.

"DAMMIT, SHEPARD! I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU BACK THERE! I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE YOU BEHIND! WHY WAS IT YOU AND NOT ME?!" She continued to pound her fist against the hull, ignoring how it was going to bruise afterwards. Slowly, she started to loudly sob, slumping her body against the metal hull. It caused her to think about when she was taken back on board after being wounded by the Reaper Shepard and Garrus called Harbinger. She was taken by Garrus and another crew member to the Med Bay, Dr. Chakwas waiting. She remembered being led to one of the operating tables and laid down on it, Chakwas quickly scanning for what injuries she may have had. Ashley remembered that she was in tears as she lay there, sobbing quietly. _I didn't want to leave him. I didn't want to LEAVE him!_ It was all she kept saying as Chakwas treated her for multiple injuries on her leg and right side. Fortunately, all the injuries were fairly minor and she was able to recover enough to be on her feet after only a couple days of rest, very small injuries compared to what she had gone through before, on Mars.

Slowly, her sobs started to dissipate as she rested her forearm against the hull; her forehead resting on that as she slowly calmed herself. She was glad that she was alone, to deal with her grief. She had really needed that release, but it also made her think. How did he deal with his emotions? Ashley saw how much some of what they had to deal with, being grounded by the Council from going to Ilos, the attempted coup on the Citadel, the fall of Thessia. How did Shepard handle all that? Ashley now knew she was prone to mood swings. She was trying hard to reduce her outbursts, like the Commander used to, but it seemed to do her more harm than good. For now, trying to settle herself from her outcry of emotion seemed to be all she was capable of as she simply closed her eyes and let the subtle breeze be the only sound around her.

At the same time Ashley steps outside…

Garrus Vakarian stepped out of the elevator, walking to the engine room. He saw both Gabby Daniels and Kenneth Donnelly working feverishly on repairing the _Normandy_'s engines, with Greg Adams at one of the consoles, looking up as he saw the turian walk in. Garrus spoke quietly to him, "Where is she?"

Adams immediately knew who he was talking about and simply replied, "The sub-deck," before resuming his work. Garrus turned and walked back to where the sub-deck was. As he reached the last step, he could hear Tali's grumbling as she was trying to fix a particular wiring assembly, the upper half of her body disappearing into an open panel on the floor.

"Tali?" the quarian groaned and slowly pulled herself out, her suit showing signs of having been stuck working for days, grime starting to darken the once vibrant violet colors as she give Garrus a long stare.

"It can't wait, Garrus? I'm trying to figure out how to rewire this outlet to the main engine-Ugh! Get working, you lousy _bosh'tet_!" Her voice was full of annoyance and irritation, but he could also sense something else from her tone. He knew that something more than the status of the _Normandy_'s power supply was bothering her.

"Tali, I really think we need to talk about…"He wanted to say the Commander's name, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. As much as the team felt that Shepard was gone for good, and how all of them were handling it, Garrus seemed to be the most stoic of all of them, save for Vega, though his own eyes showed that he was hurt just as much as the other, and no one thought less of Garrus for it, given how close the two were as brothers in arms. He thought of the years since he met Shepard. It had been completely by chance, going back to when Executor Pallin assigned him to investigate Saren.

At that time, Garrus' reputation in C-Sec was checkered. He was known for getting jobs done, but was questionable in how he did it. He was always a bit aggressive in his tactics, pushing the rules and regulations to the breaking point, but it was really, as he thought it, a way to continue to build the reputation of the Vakarian name in C-Sec. Garrus had always respected his father's ways of working cases at C-Sec, but Garrus felt that way never could suit him. He had always been the aggressor, always wanting to go into every situation guns blazing, whether that was literally or figuratively, and Garrus felt that was the best way to get the job done. That changed when he joined Shepard on the _Normandy_. Shepard changed his way of thinking, how there are different ways of getting the job done, how the quickest way was not the best way, and how to only shoot when there was no other option. Garrus looked back at himself since before meeting Shepard, and even he was appalled at how he was, especially compared to the person he was now.

Tali's voice broke his train of thought. "What's there to talk about, Garrus? Shepard's gone and we're stranded in some unknown system until this engine can get working again…"

"_Tali…_"Garrus' voice was firmer now, being insistent that a conversation needed to be made. Tali made a hopeless sigh, sitting herself back on the deck, resting her arms on her legs, hanging her head.

"I…I don't know, Garrus…I just feel like if I bring up Shepard…Him…he did so much for me. Saving me in the Wards, Freedom's Progress, Haestrom, the _Alarei_, Rannoch...How am I supposed to make up for all the times he helped me? And all I did was fight by his side, fired shots and worked a terminal when needed. How can I repay all that?" The last sentence had her voice starting to break. Garrus slowly went to one knee next to her and put an arm on her shoulders. It caused her to right away lean into him, resting her head against his torso, quietly sobbing. "Dammit…I feel like owe him so much, and yet, I know I never could give him anything in return…" She continued to cry gently, Garrus gently holding her, to let her grieve for the first time since the battle at Earth. As her sobs gradually faded, Garrus spoke to her, in a soft voice that he never knew he had.

"Tali, you did a lot for Shepard. You got the evidence proving Saren's alliance with the geth, you risked your life in the vents at the Collector base, and you helped him on the geth dreadnought. True, he did more, but all he ever asked of us was to be there for him, to help him accomplish the mission, for the sake of everyone. You did everything he wanted from you, and that was all he needed and wanted."

"I…I know, but still…"She gave a heavy sigh and gently pulled away from Garrus, the turian getting the hint and letting her go, but still keeping an arm on her shoulders. "I…I suppose you're right, Garrus, it's just…"

"I know. And you know that the best way you can make up for what he did for you is to make the most of what he's given you. It's what he would want."

Tali gave a slow nod and stood up, brushing off what dirt on her suit that she could and even though he couldn't see it, she gave him a soft smile, "Thanks, Garrus. I…I needed that. I guess we all are struggling to deal with Shepard being lost." He gently nodded, giving Tali one last gentle pat on her arm as he stood up with her. After a long pause, she went back to the open panel in the floor, kneeling and sliding back inside. After a long moment, Tali suddenly gave an exclamation that made Garrus, who was just starting to leave, to turn around. "_Keelah_, those wires aren't supposed to be like that! How could I miss that before?" Garrus' response made her face fault, not aware that he was still there.

"When you let your emotions take control, you lose control of your functions."

Tali paused at that as she fixed the problem, contemplating his words, "True, I suppose. Was that Shepard who told you that?"

"No…my father," Garrus flinched inward as he recalled the many times he had been told that phrase, "He always told me that when I would get too riled up about things. Strange, it never really meant anything for me before. And only now it makes sense to me, when I don't know if he, or Shepard, is alive?"

Tali pulled herself back out of the open panel, closing it and brushing her hands together as she looked back to him, "Do you need to talk about this?"

"Uh, another time; you're busy." Garrus gave her a slight nod and walked back up to the main Engineering deck. Tali sighed gently, pondering how she was feeling now, not just about Shepard, but also Garrus. She almost felt like something may be there with him, but she wasn't sure. She thought of their brief moment in the Gunnery Control room before Shepard walked in on them…

"_Tali, is everything okay down there?"_ Adams' voice broke her thoughts and she shook her head, as if to shake away her thoughts before speaking into her omni-tool.

"Yes, Adams, I think I have it fixed now. Go ahead and try…" After a long pause, there was a sound of more machinery starting up, though not the main engine. Tali also noticed the lights around her seem to brighten a bit more.

"_There! We just increased our power output by 12 percent. Not enough to try to start the engine, but we may just have enough to send a signal out. I'll let Traynor know. Good work, Tali. Now, go ahead and get some rest. You've had a long day."_

"I'm fine, Adams. Just a little fatigued, but I'll manage."

"_Tali, you've been working almost 30 hours straight. I'm not saying this as a fellow crew member; I'm saying this as Chief Engineer. I need all my engineers in top shape, and you need rest. Now, go on and give yourself some sleep. Officer's orders._"

The quarian gave a soft sigh, "Yes, sir," and turned off her omni-tool, looking over at the bench behind her. It still had a resting pad on it, making it almost look like a bed. Tali knew that Jack used it as her bed months ago against the Collectors and she finally decided, with fatigue now starting to take precedent on her, it would do. She noticed a nearby cushion that was used to reduce strain on a person's knees when they were kneeling on a hard surface and used it as a pillow as she lay back on the makeshift bed. Even though her mind was still thinking about Shepard and also, almost subconsciously, Garrus, it didn't take long for Tali to finally sleep, and for the first time in what felt like weeks, it was the most peaceful sleep she had had.

Meanwhile, on board the _Dunkirk_.

Captain Patrick paced around the crew deck, walking by the Med Bay numerous times. Even though he couldn't see inside, he knew Dr. Sturmer was doing all he could to keep Shepard alive. From what he had been told in a very brief conversation, Shepard's injuries were very significant, and it made him feel sick to his stomach. He almost felt a daunting responsibility, to make the man who had saved the entire galaxy stay alive. He didn't want the _Dunkirk_ to be Commander Shepard's final resting place. Genner's voice from Patrick's omni-tool broke his thoughts.

"_Captain, we've found another group of survivors in the Citadel. I can't believe how many we've found. It's not like the Reapers AND Cerberus to have missed them._"

Patrick didn't respond to the secondary comment, but still replied, "Glad to hear it, lieutenant. I know we have no room here, but do what you can. If we can get comms with someone on Earth, we can shuttle them down there.

"_Aye-aye, sir. Oh, and one of the survivors, a doctor, wishes to come aboard._"

"Why?"

"_I…I kind of mentioned that we may needed another medical professional on board. I…I kind of mentioned to her that we found the Commander and trying to keep him alive. She insists that she help, sir._"

"Okay, let her come aboard," Patrick closed the channel and walked to the shuttle bay, waiting, though fitfully. After a few minutes, a lone shuttle came into the bay, the main door of the bay closing and sealing. As soon as the light came on, indicating a stable atmosphere, Patrick briskly walked to the shuttle. The door opened, and out walked a woman, with short dark red hair, wearing a green and white doctor's uniform, though it had tears, spots of blood, as well as numerous dirty streaks running around it. Patrick offered his hand, letting the woman shake it as he greeted her, "I'm Captain Jon Patrick. Welcome aboard the _Dunkirk_, Doctor…?"

The woman responded with what sounded to the captain a strong French accent, "Michel. Dr. Cloe Michel, captain, and thank you. I understand you have Commander Shepard aboard?"

Patrick nodded, beginning to walk her to the Med Bay, "Yes, we have him in the Med Bay, though his condition is not good. Might I ask, doctor, how did you survive all this on the Citadel? We heard that the Reapers, working with Cerberus, killed almost everyone there."

"We managed to make some mass evacuations; I was leading the last group out when the attack began. Let's just say it was a combination of my knowledge of the Wards and some luck. Now, what can I do to help save Shepard?"

Patrick raised an eyebrow, "Why are you so insistent on helping Shepard?"

Her look was one that struck the captain as being someone who felt she owed Commander Shepard something, "Shepard saved my life from thugs when I worked in the Wards. If anything, the least I can do is to try to help save him." Patrick could only nod as they had reached the Med Bay at this time, he stepped aside, letting her go inside. He heard the door open and watched Michel take a couple steps inside and then stop, "Oh my god!" She hurried inside, the door closing just as he heard her say, "How is he still alive?"

The captain wanted to go in and know exactly what the situation was, but he also knew that Dr. Sturmer was adamant about nobody observing. As hot tempered as the doctor was, Patrick knew better than to interfere, but it became meaningless when his specialist spoke over the PA.

"_Captain, I just got a signal. It's Admiral Hackett, making a standard hailing call."_

"Put him on in the briefing room, right away!" Patrick quickly rushed upstairs to the briefing room, seeing the image of Admiral Hackett, seeing it occasionally distort due to some still-present interference.

"_This is Admiral Hackett. Is there anyone there? Repeat, can anyone read me?"_

Patrick walked up and quickly saluted, "Admiral, this is Captain Jon Patrick of the SSV _Dunkirk_. We read you, sir!"

"_Captain, I'm glad to hear someone. Just got a track on your location, seems to me you're still at Earth_."

"The _Dunkirk _was grazed by a Reaper beam, sir. Not serious damage, but we had our FTL drive fried, sir."

"_I see. Well, I'm actually glad you're still there at Earth, Captain. Do you have a status on the Citadel, by any chance_?"

"We're at the Citadel right now, sir. It's still mostly intact, and we are actually searching for survivors right now, sir."

"_You've found any_?"

Patrick paused at that, "Uh, sir, with all due respect, could we make this conversation private? There's some things that I don't exactly want to be heard outside of us, sir."

"_Understood, Captain. Activating signal encryption._" The admiral reached to his left, causing the signal to distort even more than usual before returning to normal, "_Okay, speak freely, captain_."

"Sir, we have found survivors, if that can be believed, on the Citadel. And…we found Commander Shepard, sir."

Hackett, as stoic as he was, even had to pause to take it all in, "_You…you found him_?"

"Yes, sir. He's…he's alive, but only just. The doctor declares his condition as of now as grave."

"_I see. Well, at the very least, it's good to know he's been found_."

"Are you going to let the _Normandy_ know, sir?"

Hackett shook his head, "_We've lost contact with _Normandy_ since the Crucible fired. Our last tracks had the ship on its way to the rendezvous, but it then got caught up in what we can only assume was the aftermath of the Cruicible's fire. And we've had no contact of any kind with them since._"

"Understood, sir. What about the rest of our fleet?"

"_What's left of it is still trying to piece everything together. Only now have we really started to make contact with everyone, including you, Captain_. _Our numbers have gone down significantly, but initial reports show that as much as 45% of our fleet from the battle for Earth is accounted for_."

"And the mass relays? Our scans indicate that the Charon relay went dormant."

"_Like I said, Captain, we're still piecing everything together. Once we have some contact with all of the combined fleets, we'll begin the investigation of the mass relays. At the very least, it's good the Citadel is still intact, and survivors have been found. _

_"Remember, Captain, it's only been a few days. It may take as much as another week or more before we can fully assess all the damage that's been done_."

"I understand, sir. Do you have any orders for the _Dunkirk_?"

"_As of right now, Captain, you're the only line of defense for both Earth and the Citadel. You're all that's available. I know I'm putting a lot on you, but you're all that we have right now. Continue to find survivors on the Citadel, and also let us know on the status of our ground forces on Earth_."

"As soon as we make contact with them, we will, sir."

"_I'm glad you're the one heading this, Captain. Admiral Michalovich speaks highly of you. We'll keep you updated on our progress and you keep us posted as well, especially on Shepard. Hackett, out_."

* * *

_Alot more to take in there, seeing Ashley and Tali both trying to deal with Shepard's "loss". Originally, I was going to have Tali go into more of a big emotional outburst, but since Ash already had one, it seemed overkill to do two. Still, got a nice tender moment with Tali and Garrus, which was nice. There will be more between them in the next chapter. And where's Miranda? She's out there, somewhere, hoping for Shepard to be alive, but give it time, I _will_ get Shepard and Miranda back together. I'm going to take my time with this and not try to rush anything in the story. _

_Fair warning, there will not be a lot of action in this story. Most of it will be in flashbacks, from the moments in the games, but not much in the actual story timeline, so if you're looking for high-powered firefights, this story won't have those. _

_And to answer MEChuckster: Oh, yes, I have a plan about Miranda and Shepard's child possibilities. Kind of already have something in mind, but will let the chips fall where they may in the story._

_Oh, and in case you were wondering, Dunkirk was WW2, when Britain had to evacuate all their troops from France when it fell to Germany. Read it up, it's quite the story!_

_So, keep reading and reviewing and I'll soon begin chapter 3: The Normandy returns, Shepard's status is still uncertain, and more characters deal with the aftermath._

_UPDATE: Cleaned up some grammar. Unless you're OCD on that kind of stuff, you'll prob not even notice._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: From the Brink**

The bright pink in the sky had started to slowly fade away as night was beginning to take over, the first few stars and brightest planets began to show themselves in the changing sky, their ambiance helping to distract the icy blue eyes that were observing them. Silence was all that could be heard at the moment, before a quiet feminine sigh broke through, the blue eyes now starting to glisten some as they continued to observe the fading sunset from the Horizon colony. It wasn't that Miranda Lawson didn't enjoy watching sunsets, it had always been a soothing release for her whenever possible; it was just that she wasn't sure if she could, or should, enjoy them anymore. It had been past a week since the end of the Reaper War, and most of Miranda's time had been helping supervising rescue efforts on colonies and finding the last remnants of Cerberus. After dealing with the monstrosity that had been going on at Sanctuary, she lent her help to the Alliance, providing much crucial Intel on Cerberus' most important bases and key individuals. It was her way of both providing her own contributions to the war effort as well as give payback to the Illusive Man.

Ever since she had resigned, Miranda had been named a high-priority target by the Illusive Man, being his former second-in-command, and she did everything she could to sabotage him and her father's plans. Ever since the Collector Base, she knew the Illusive Man wanted to control the Reapers, not destroy them. He had said several times that it was what was best for humanity, but Miranda had heavy doubts, especially after finding out the Collectors were really nothing more than Prothean husks. She concluded that several groups of the Protheans tried to make a deal with the Reapers, to ensure their survival, and the Reapers ended up using metaphorical loopholes to make the Protheans their minions, nothing more. Miranda knew the Illusive Man thought almost the same way, only he felt that controlling the Reapers was the key to survival, not submitting to them. Regardless, when he insisted that Shepard spare the Collector Base, she had a bad feeling about it. He had told her many times that it was up to Cerberus to stop the Reapers. She always thought he meant by destroying them, but now she knew better and she couldn't believe that she had almost followed him all the way to what his real intentions were.

Miranda felt guilty, knowing she almost sold herself out for humanity, the way the Illusive Man did. She had devoted everything she had to Cerberus. Since they'd given her asylum when she fled her father, she felt like she owed them and the Illusive Man for not only sheltering her but also seeing her full potential. Now, she felt almost like she did when her father had been raising her, that she was _used_ by the Illusive Man to demonstrate the full potential of humanity, as just a symbol, rather than an essential part. She also wondered if the Illusive Man had planned the same for Shepard when he worked for them stopping the Collectors.

She felt her heart grow heavy as her thoughts seemed to wander to thinking of Shepard; it was like he never left her thoughts, even for a few seconds. She still remembered every moment of their final conversation. It had been by hologram, but it was, to Miranda, the most important conversation they ever had. She remembered that she tried to say goodbye to him. It had been an attempt by her to try to distance her from him, to try to not feel so attached when they would part. She knew that she had deep feelings for him, but she didn't want to hope that he would somehow survive. From what she knew of the Alliance's plan to take back the Citadel, she knew it was more of a one-way trip than even the Collector Base was. She felt a sense of foreboding, that she would never see Shepard again, and she didn't want their last words to be ones of hope. Much like he had when he first didn't promise her to not die against the Collectors, she had tried to be realistic.

_Shepard, I…I wanted to say goodbye._

_What do you mean?_

_If we both come back from this, at all, everything will be different._

_Sure, everything will change, but from our terms. We've been running until now, Miranda. It has to stop._

_I understand. I just…I wish I was there, with you._

_Me too._

_…I don't know what to say._

_Don't say goodbye…_

Miranda had never wanted to say goodbye to Shepard. She never even knew why she now felt this way about him. When she first met him, she was sure it would be strictly business, nothing more. Then, the mission against the Collectors. She was sure that it was really nothing more than a simple fling, brought on by the pending doom that was going to come with the trip to the Omega-4 relay. Everyone knew the likelihood of not coming back, and she thought everything that happened with Shepard before then, right up to their time in the engine room before going through the relay...It was wonderful, that much she knew for sure, but was it all just because of an outpouring of emotions, brought on by the fact that the mission was going to probably be a one-way trip?

When Shepard was forced to turn himself and the _Normandy_ in to the Alliance, she was on her own then. She couldn't go back to Cerberus, not after she had said to the Illusive Man on the Collector base. And with no way to contact Shepard, even though she knew where he had been taken; she couldn't risk it. It was hard for her, realizing how much he now mattered to her, which was also something she was not used to. _It was hard to be away from you. Surprised myself how...attached I got. I'm not good at attached._ It was while she was away from him that she realized how much she missed him, being with him, talking with him, everything. She knew then that something did exist between them. Shepard mattered to her, more than she ever thought of before.

_Did you try contacting me when I was back on Earth?_

_A visit by the former Cerberus second-in-command would've been disastrous. Any secret communication would've looked even worse. I was tempted to break in and see you..._

_That would've been...tough to explain._

_Right. Fun and games until they arrested me or just shot me on sight. I had to play it safe, for both of us..._

She couldn't believe how foolish she nearly was. She had even acquired, through some Alliance connections, schematics for the Alliance base he was being held in, had it all planned out. Fortunately, she thought better of it at the last minute. What was that old movie quote she had been told once, "Interesting how being in love and being insane can be so similar"? She felt her heart twinge at that thought. Was...was she really...?

Soft footsteps caught Miranda's attention and she knew right away who it was. It was then she realized that it was, for all purposes, night time, almost complete darkness save for the lights coming from the colony compound that Miranda was standing on the roof of. She already knew who was walking to her, and she didn't bother to turn around to look, "Yes, Ori?"

Miranda's genetic twin sister, Oriana, a young lady of barely 20, slowly went to her sister's side, her face full of concern, "Miranda…we should talk…"

Miranda wanted to ask her what she wanted to talk about, but she herself already knew. Her sister was just as smart as she was and there was no point to acting innocent or ignorant about it, "What can we say, Ori? I…I can't talk about it, you know that."

"'Randa…You've come out here every night, by yourself. I wanted to think it was nothing, but I can't any more. You can't say you're not thinking about-"

"Ori, it's been over a week." Miranda turned to her sister, her arms now crossed, her face trying to be stoic, but Ori could see the worry and pending heartbreak in her eyes and the creases on her face. "Do you really think there's still hope, any at all?"

"Miranda, I…I can't tell you whether there is any hope or not, but keeping your emotions in like this, it's not good for you," Oriana's voice and facial expression both were full of concern. Oriana herself was feeling relief that the war was over, but noticed her sister, while still able to think, plan, and act the way she always had, seemed to always be distracted some, and Ori knew what was causing that.

"Miranda, please, you need to talk about this-"

"I can't, Ori!" Miranda responded loudly, her eyes glaring at her sister, but then softening, putting a hand on her forehead, her voice starting to break, "I…I can't…" She suddenly felt Oriana's arms around her and she melted into the hug, starting to cry gently against her sister's shoulder. Oriana didn't respond right away, she knew her sister needed this, to let out the bottled emotions that Miranda had been trying to hold in for the last week.

"Miranda, I understand how you think you have to hold back, but you can't. I know nothing is known right now about…" She was going to say Shepard, but didn't want to make a bad emotional situation for her sister worse by saying the name that Miranda didn't want to hear right now, "…him, but for your sake, for his, you have to let yourself grieve, if you need to, to show your emotions."

"Ori…I'm the older of us, I have to be strong. Trust me…I'll…I'll be fine."

Oriana, in spite of the emotions of the moment, couldn't help but laugh softly, "That's a lie, 'Randa." She gently parted the hug, smiling gently. She wanted to say more, but the words of another individual, an Alliance soldier staying in the compound with several other survivors, walked up to them.

"Miss Lawson? We just made contact with Admiral Hackett. He wishes to speak with you."

Miranda turned to the officer; her head tilted some with interest as she quickly wiped her eyes, giving a loud exhale, "Why would he want to speak with me?"

"He didn't say. Just said he wanted to talk to you," the officer gestured for her to follow him. Miranda took a deep breath to settle her still smoldering emotions. Oriana gave her a caring smile and nod, and watched Miranda walk inside. Afterwards, she gently frowned to herself, scolding herself inwardly for thinking that she could talk like that to her older sister. She remembered the extranet conversations they had. She herself had barely any experience in relationships and trying to tell Miranda that there was still hope for Shepard? She sighed gently with irritation as she hurried inside to apologize…

Miranda walked to the Comm console that was set up and spoke, "Admiral Hackett?" The image of the grizzled admiral came up. He looked beaten, like he hadn't been able to rest at all since the end of the war.

"_Miss Lawson, I'm glad to speak to you. I wanted to personally thank you for what you've done in helping the Alliance against the Reapers…and Cerberus_."

"It's fine, Admiral. I was just doing my part, that's all."

"_You gave us crucial information on key Cerberus posts and fortifications. That's more than just doing your part, Ms. Lawson. You did good work, and the Alliance thanks you for your help, though we can't officially acknowledge it of course_."

Miranda nodded and was just about to reach to the button to end the transmission and then stopped. She looked back the admiral, and she could tell that there was something else, "Admiral, that isn't all you wanted to talk to me about, is it?"

"_Ms. Lawson, what I'm about to tell you is, as of now, classified, except to those that are on a need-to-know basis. About 5 days ago, we made contact with one of our ships. It had been unable to join us at our intended rendezvous, but it was near the Citadel. Its crew has been looking for survivors since then and…well…they found Commander Shepard_."

Miranda froze, her emotions starting to rise up again inside her, her heart pounding. It took all she could to not show it to Hackett, "They…they found him?"

"_Yes, and as of right now… he's alive. I know you helped Shepard fight the Collectors and I wanted to let all his closest team members know this_."

"I…I haven't really been in contact with Shepard since fighting the Collectors, Admiral." Miranda was trying to continue staying stoic, but it was becoming too difficult.

Hackett almost seemed to give a smirk to Miranda, "_A certain communication from Earth to you before the big push against the Reapers suggests otherwise, Ms. Lawson. Don't worry, I'm keeping it quiet. This conversation is on an encrypted channel. Just felt you needed to know. Once again, thanks for all your help and we'll keep in touch when necessary. Hackett, out_."

Miranda felt herself shaking inside and she put her hands on the edges of the console to try to keep herself standing. Her breathing was heavier as she tried to keep it all in. Despite what she had told Ori, she had hoped…and now…Oriana came walking through the door, about to apologize when she saw her sister's posture and paused, "…Miranda?" It was a long pause before Miranda slowly turned around, fresh tears starting to come down her cheeks. Oriana anticipated the worst, until she saw her sister slowly smile.

"He…he's alive…" Oriana's eyes widened and her smile grew wide as she walked up to her sister, promptly hugging her again, letting Miranda cry happily against her shoulder, letting her continue her talking, "He's alive, Ori…he's actually alive…" Ori couldn't help but shed some tears of her own, happy for her sister and forgetting what she was going to apologize for earlier.

At that moment on the _Normandy_

A top hatch on the Normandy's hull slowly opened as Tali struggled briefly to get it pushed all the way open. There was a lull in work on the _Normandy_'s engine while Adams was thinking of an alternative way to starting the engine, since the conventional way, for some reason, wasn't working. With some break time, Tali knew who she wanted to go see. She pulled herself out of the open hatch, pulling herself up with some hard effort. She slowly walked up to the bow, seeing a figure lying on its stomach, targeting something with a sniper rifle. A sudden loud shot nearly startled Tali, but she knew it was only coming from the prone figure. Another shot soon rang out, then more silence. Tali took her final careful steps then stopped, nearly standing aside the person with the rifle.

"What are you up to, Garrus?"

The turian gave a long pause, seemingly not noticing the quarian asking him the question. He finally responded, "Just keeping my skills sharp, Tali. Nothing better to do at the moment," he said with a gentle sigh as he targeted another irrelevant object, a falling leaf. Tali watched him quietly, knowing that he wasn't saying everything that needed to be said.

"Is that all? You're not this quiet unless you have something on your mind, Garrus." The turian sighed again and lifted his rifle, moving himself so he was now in a sitting position, resting his rifle in his lap, continuing his silence for a moment before finally speaking, his eyes looking at the horizon.

"I…I guess I've been thinking of all those who are back there, my father, my sister…Shepard, how I have no idea if any of them are okay. I feel like I'm blind, not knowing…and I hate being blind." Garrus' face showed no expression, like most times, but his tone told Tali that he was deeply troubled and while she was sure his sniper practice was therapeutic in some sense, she knew more could be done. She stepped next to him and held out a small box, the size of a datapad, gently tapping it against his shoulder, causing him to turn and see it. Garrus recognized the box; it was the dextro-amino chocolate that Dr. Michel had given him when he first visited the Citadel after the Reapers attacked. He remembered that he mentioned to Tali she could have some of it as well and looked up to her, "Are you sure you don't-", he was interrupted by Tali pulling out a smaller box, and though he couldn't see her face, he knew she was smiling.

"I sterilized some for myself." She set herself down next to Garrus, watching him fold his legs to have a place to put his box of turian chocolate, taking his sniper rifle and resting it against his left shoulder. Tali set her box on her lap, watching him take a piece of his chocolate, slowly eating it as he looked out at the horizon, the system's sun slowly rising, painting the sky a gentle orange and soft pink mix. Tali took a piece of her own, placing it against a certain hole at her helmet's mask. After a pause, a small suction sound was heard and the chocolate was sucked into the helmet and into Tali's mouth. She slowly chewed it, savoring the taste, as it was something she was not entirely used to. She had to admit, it was actually quite good. She looked out at the beginning sunrise as well. "It is quite a beautiful sight out here. I can see why you wanted to be here."

"It is. There never were sunrises like this on Palaven. This, this is…"He tried to find the right words to say, but nothing seemed to come to mind or out of his mouth. He just quietly shook his head, eating another piece of chocolate. Tali just nodded, gazing out at the sunrise with him, eating some more of her sterilized chocolate.

"It is beautiful and so peaceful..." She paused, letting the silence between them last grow, savoring it rather than being bothered by it. She softly whispered, just loud enough for Garrus to hear her, "_Keelah,_ it feels like it's been so long since I've enjoyed peace and quiet like this."

"I don't think I've ever had," Garrus responded, and then pondered for a moment. "I wonder if…if anyone who fought in this war wanted to fight for something like this. No gunfire, no explosions…no more war…."

Tali turned her head to him. He noticed it and looked back at her, gazing to her eyes which glowed through her helmet. "Garrus, I would like to think that there were those who fought for something like this, and…and that that fight, was worth it."

He gave what he could for a smile, his eyes softening to her, the shadows from the growing sunrise enhancing his scars on his face, "Was it all worth it to you? I mean, you did get back your home planet and all…"

"And even though I lost my father, my friends on Haestrom, and even Legion and Shepard?" She turned back to look at the sunrise and nodded, turning back to Garrus. "It was totally worth it. I know it sounds almost...cold, that I lost so much and say the fight was worth it, but, I think of it as this: If losing a few means that whole new generations of quarians will thrive on Rannoch, then it was worth it. Doesn't mean that I still miss...well...everyone I've lost."

Garrus nodded back, pondering somberly, "Makes me feel guilty." He turned his head back to the sunrise, his tone growing darker, causing Tali some concern.

"How so?"

"Because..." he sighed gently, "Just before we took down Cerberus, I learned my father and sister were still alive. They probably still are. There are so many families on Palavan that have lost members. Children who are orphans with no close family of any kind left, adults who've lost everyone close to them, and yet, here I am with most of my family intact and almost all of my closest comrades still here? How can I bring myself to help them if they've lost more than I ever could?"

"Garrus..." Tali spoke firmly in response, "We can't choose what or who we lose at times. I never wanted to lose my mother when I was just beginning adolescence, I never asked for my father to die doing foolish experiments. I know plenty of quarians who probably still have all of their families intact after all of this, and I know at least a few of them feel sad for me, because I lost so many close to me. But, I see it as this: I lost those closest to me, so that the hopes and dreams of many others will continue. Don't see what other turians lost as a way to keep you down, Garrus. But rather, see it as an opportunity to make sure that those that were lost didn't die in vain."

Garrus gave Tali a long look, giving what he could of a smirk, "...I never thought of you as philosophical, Tali."

She replied back playfully, "I'm full of surprises." Garrus couldn't help but chuckle.

"...Thanks, Tali." His eyes smiled to her and he looked back at the sunrise, reveling in the peace and quiet that surrounded them. After so much fighting over the last 3 years, it was something he felt he never got to experience before and Garrus savored every moment of it. It was almost then that he suddenly noticed Tali slowly lean into him, resting her head on his shoulder. He was somewhat taken aback by it, and wasn't sure how to initially respond, but then, steeling his nerve, put his arm around her shoulders, letting her snuggle her body to his. His other hand almost instinctively reached to her and it found her right hand, holding it gently as they watched the sunrise together.

Neither of them noticed how much time had passed, until an urgent voice suddenly broke the silence, "_Tali? Tali, are you there?_" Tali lifted her head off of Garrus' shoulder, sighing gently and cursing under her breath as she answered her omni-tool.

"Yes, what is it, Adams?"

"_We got a break through. We have our best chance of starting up the _Normandy_ again, but I need your help_." Tali looked at Garrus and shook her head, because the wonderful moment the two had shared was, for now, out of place.

"I'll be right there." She looked back up to the turian, "Damn, I wanted more time like this, "she said with a tone that showed clear disappointment. Garrus patted her shoulder.

"Once we get back to Council space, we will." The two continued to look into each other's eyes for a long moment before Garrus patted her hand and the two reluctantly parted, Garrus picking up the two boxes of chocolate, Tali already going to the top hatch and going back inside. Garrus paused, thinking about the moment the two had just had. He thought about how things had been in their years fighting together with Shepard, how their friendship now was starting to grow. He had meant to ask her if what she had told him when they were caught in the moment by Shepard, before beginning the battle for Earth, if she had really meant it.

_I'm really happy for you. Both of you._

_Thanks…Shepard._

_A-Appreciate it. Guess it helps to have something to come back to._

_What do you mean "to come back to"? This is just a fling, Vakarian. I'm using you for your body._

_You're so mean…and I'm okay with that._

Was it really "just a fling"? Something told Garrus that it was to the contrary. He wanted to ask Tali if she felt the same, but…He just sighed and walked back to inside the _Normandy_. He wanted to say it was just a small thing between them, but saying that to himself, made him feel worse, like he was hurting his own heart for saying so.

At the same time, on the _Dunkirk_

For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, Captain Patrick felt a bit more at ease. What had transpired in the last couple days had seemed to have been nothing short of a blessing. The _Dunkirk_ had not only made contact with several units of Alliance ground forces, but also made an unexpected pick up of a group of asari technicians who had helped with the Crucible. They were one of the last groups to leave working on the weapon, making last minute touch-ups, and with no other real lane of escape to safety, they took shelter landing their shuttle in the Appalachian Mountains. Once their safety was secure, they volunteered to go investigate, and if possible, begin repairs on the Charon Relay. What they had reported seemed to defy conventional science and physics, but, as Patrick thought of it, what _has_ been conventional over the last few months?

"Captain, the asari team just reported." The specialist handed Patrick a data pad with a message displayed. Patrick read it over and smiled, nodding to the specialist.

"Thank you, Erickson. Patch me through to Admiral Hackett in the briefing room," with that, the captain, feeling a bit more pep in his step, walked to the comm console, waiting for Hackett's image to appear.

"_Yes, Captain_?" Patrick promptly saluted.

"Sir, I have some suprising good news regarding the Charon Relay."

"_Which is?_"

"Sir…it's kind of hard to explain, but, the core of the relay…according to the asari technicians, the core ruptured when the Crucible's concentrated fire hit it, but, somehow, it began to reassemble itself. They only needed to do some secondary repairs to ensure it would stay solid this time. The relay, believe it or not, will be activated within the hour, sir."

"_This is very good news, Captain, I'm glad to hear it. As remote as it sounds, some of the reports on repairs of other relay repairs seem to indicate the same thing, though most of these relays simply shut down, not have their cores rupture. Have the asari team gather any scientific data for investigating later_."

"Yes, sir. And, about Commander Shepard, sir…he…he's stabilized. Still somewhat in critical condition, but he should be able to make it. Somewhat of a miracle, sir, but given what I've seen this last week or so, miracles seem to be the norm."

"_I can see that being the case, Captain. With that being said, I'm glad to hear about Shepard. This is the best damn report I've heard so far. I'll have some of our capitol ships ready to deploy inside 2 hours, Captain. After that, you'll be relieved and I want the _Dunkirk_ to make dry dock at the Mars Naval Medical Center_."

"Why Mars, sir? I would've thought the Reapers ripped right through all our bases in the Sol System."

"_I would agree, but, fortunately, the Reapers waited just a bit after attacking Earth before heading to Mars. By the time they reached there, all bases were evacuated, with the exception of the archives, but that was Cerberus' doing, not the Reapers. All signs point to the bases being completely untouched. Medical personnel and supplies will meet you at the medical base. Thank you for all you've done, Captain. You and the crew of the _Dunkirk_, you all did so much_."

"Just doing our job, sir."

"_And a very good damn job, Captain. I'll look into it, but don't be surprised to see some commendations coming your way once things start to so some semblance of normalcy. Once again, thank you, Captain, for everything. Hackett, out_."

An hour later, on board the _Normandy_

All the engineers gathered together, conversing on the plan that was going to be done to start the _Normandy_'s engine. It was an almost desperate plan, but really, their only one. Tali looked around at Adams, Kenneth, and Gabby.

"So, we can agree this is our only chance?"

Donnelly nodded, "Pretty much, Tali. We have no other choices. The usual start-up circuits got overloaded thanks to the over-pushing of propulsion in our retreat, which also nearly broke the FBA-"

"_Kenneth_!" Gabby's sharp voice ended Kenneth's monologue. Adams could only smirk, but nodded just the same.

"In short, we have to carefully route all electrical power through the secondary circuits to the core starter. It's going to need precision timing, because…"

"Because even a slight overload will completely burn up the circuits and any premature activation of circuits will waste needed power, I know." Tali nodded in understanding, "We had to do the same thing from time to time back on the Flotilla."

"And that is why you're coordinating this, Tali. I don't want to make any more pressure, but it is up to you, "Adams said with reserved confidence. They all knew that if this plan failed, there was a good chance that the _Normandy_ may never start up, again. Kenneth showed more visible concern.

"Are you sure this will work, Tali? Doing this on Flotilla ships is one thing, but this is precise engineering! Any slip up of any kind-"

Gabby put her hand on Kenneth's arm, calming him, "Kenneth, you're worrying too much. Have faith in Tali, whatever little you may have."

"…Thanks mum." Kenneth said with slight scorn that Gabby scolded him again. Nonetheless, they shared a happy smile between each other before Adams spoke again.

"Alright, everyone, synchronize your omni-tools. Like I said before, this is going to take precision timing. Trust yourselves, trust your instincts, and we will get this done."

With that, the four went to their designated places. Adams went to the first secondary circuit, Gabby to the second circuit, Kenneth to the third, and Tali to the last of the four. Tali opened a channel to the cockpit, "Joker, are you ready?"

"For the last hour, I was ready! I want to get going back to Earth so we can catch the big "we beat the Reapers' asses out of the universe" party, if it hasn't ended yet!" Tali was somewhat taken back by Joker's words. He was still his wise-cracking self in some way, but she could tell there was still some bitterness over EDI…She wanted to think of it some more, but there was something more important right now.

"Okay, everyone in position?" After hearing all three confirmations, Tali nodded, "Okay, Adams, on your mark."

Adams nodded, his hand hovering over the circuit switch as he prepped the power surge, giving a soft pause, "Well…here goes nothing…" he pressed the switch, hearing the growing sound of the power surge. "Circuit 1, open!"

Gabby watched her omni-tool, the digital clock quickly counting down, her hand waiting at the switch. As soon as the clock hit zero, on the first beep of the countdown ending on her end, she pressed hers, the sound of growing electrical power getting a bit louder. "Circuit 2's done!"

Kenneth stayed calm, even though he felt his part was the hardest. He had to reach into a tight nook for his switch. In the position he was in, he had to concentrate on his ears telling him when to press his switch. He waited for the sound that would come…"bee-", He pressed the switch instantly, timing it almost perfectly with the sound, hearing the power-up continue to build, "Circuit 3's up!"

Tali's heart was pounding in anticipation as she watched her omni-tool. From what she could hear, the line between successful power-up and failure was going to be close. Her hand was poised above the switch. It was going to be close…she silently prayed to her ancestors that they would help her, if only one last time…The final seconds ticked away, then, as soon as they showed two zeros, she pressed hers. Thankfully, the power-up was going as planned, as a new countdown began on her omni-tool right away, but now, it was up to the final part. "Circuit 4's on. Joker, on my call…" She watched the countdown, the tension growing more than she ever expected. In the cockpit, Joker's hand waited at the engine start button. It all came down to this. The final seconds ticked off…4…3…2…1…

"NOW!"

Joker's hand promptly punched the engine start button. It seemed like everything went still for a long second, until a shudder was heard and a sound of a loud power surge, but then something else came. The familiar pattern of the engine working, a sound that hadn't been heard in over a week, now seemed to almost echo through the ship. Adams had hurried to the main engine console and checked the stats reading from it.

"All stats are green…circuits sealed…power output at 85 percent and rising…we did it. She lives, Joker!"

For the first time since they had crashed on the unknown planet, Joker smiled, "Hot damn! About fucking time!" He immediately cringed, knowing Lt. Commander Williams was standing right behind him, "Uh…sorry, Lt. Commander."

Ashley just smirked lightly, "I'll let it past this time, Flight Lt. Now, take us off this planet and let's go home."

"Aye-aye, LC." Joker's hands flew over the control boards, the _Normandy _shuddering as it slowly lifted up and soared through the planet's atmosphere, finally back into space again.

At that moment…

He gave a slight groan, feeling his body still being sore, but not as much as he had felt before…he also heard something. A steady beeping, one he recognized as the sound of a heartbeat monitor. He tried to open his eyes, which seemed to take more effort than he expected. His vision was initially cloudy, and he blinked several times, slowly moving his head back and forth. A sudden voice caught his attention.

"Doctor! Doctor, he's waking up!"

Shepard's vision slowly cleared up as he saw a figure walk to him, one he was surprised to see. He spoke, but his voice was so ragged, tired, it didn't sound like his, "Dr….Dr. Michel?"

She nodded, her eyes soft and smiling to him as she nodded, her hand going to his arm, "Yes, Commander. It's me. It's okay, you're safe now."

"Wh…where am I?" Shepard tried to make sense of what he was seeing, but all he could see at the moment was the bright white ceiling right above him. Suddenly, there was gentle pushing as Dr. Michel had his hospital bed adjusted so his upper half was more upright. Shepard could now see he was in a hospital room, though he didn't recognize the facility. He then noticed Dr. Michel running her omni-tool over his upper torso.

"You're at the Mars Naval Medical Center, Commander. We brought you here less than an hour ago. You had us worried there for a while."

"How…how long was I…?"

Dr. Michel concluded her initial scans of him and just smiled, "I'm not the one to tell you that, Commander. Someone else will…" She turned to her omni-tool, telling whoever was on the other end that he was awake. She then gave Shepard another smile before walking to a nearby console, entering the data she compiled from her scans. After several minutes, the door, which was polarized to prevent unwanted eyes from peeking in, briefly cleared and opened, allowing an Alliance officer to walk in, before closing and polarizing again. The officer walked up to Shepard and smiled. Shepard could see the officer's slightly disheveled uniform showing a single gold bar on each shoulder pad, indicating the rank of Captain. Shepard tried to raise his right arm in salute, but his body seemed too weak to do any big movements. The captain just shook his head, raising his right hand.

"Not necessary at this time, Commander Shepard. I'm just glad to see you alive and awake. I'm Captain Jon Patrick of the SSV _Dunkirk_; we were the ones that found you on the Citadel."

Shepard nodded, grimacing as his soreness was continuing to bother him some. "I thought I'd wake up dead, Captain." Patrick gave a light chuckle, shaking his head.

"Far from it, Commander. We were just able to pick up your brief transmission and find you. It was nothing short of a damn miracle, even more that we found you alive. Barely alive, but alive nonetheless, it was close."

"How…long was I out?"

Patrick briefly looked at his omni-tool, "Just about 11 days, Commander, all of it in the _Dunkirk_'s med bay. We were pretty much the only Alliance ship present near Earth after the Crucible was fired. You had us scared there for a while. We weren't sure if you'd pull through the first few days. "

"And…the Reapers?" Shepard had to ask, one of the many questions he had in mind at the moment.

"All of them are confirmed destroyed, at least so far. We're still making contact with other systems right now, trying to get the mass relays running again. We only got the Charon Relay up in the last couple hours."

"And…and the _Normandy_?" The question caused Patrick to frown gently, shaking his head slightly.

"No contact since the Crucible fired. We're still holding out hope that it's out there, somewhere, but nothing has come up." At that point, Dr. Michel came back to Shepard and pressed a small injector against his arm, which immediately caused him to grow groggy again.

"I'm sorry, Captain, but I need the Commander sedated for a while. The body needs rest, to lessen the strain of waking up after so long." Patrick just nodded and turned back to Shepard.

"We'll talk more later, Commander, help you catch up on…well…everything else." With that, the Captain nodded to Shepard and Dr. Michel as he turned and walked out, just as Shepard felt his body relax into slumber again.

* * *

_So! The Commander AND the _Normandy_ live! Kind of neat both the Commander and his ship both come back to life at the same time, eh? Fun-fun-fun!_

_ I have to say, this chapter was so far the most work I've done for one chapter. Not just in how much was written, but how many times it was rewritten, especially with Miranda's scene, went through 3 versions before settling on the final version._

_Was also going to detail the activation of the Charon mass relay, arrival of the Alliance fleets, etc, but I thought it was kind of distracting and time consuming. If I must, I can always edit it in at a later time._

_And how about that Garrus/Tali scene, hmm? A real "Vigil" moment (you know, when you can hear the song "Vigil" playing in the background? At least, that was how I envisioned it). As for a possible relationship, I'm not really sure what to do. I'm leaving them at a crossroads for now._

_Hope you also enjoyed my attempts at explaining how the mass relays get fixed as well as the _Normandy_. I'm no tech expert and I apologize to any OCD engineers who might read this and tell me, "Hey, that's not plausible/accurate!" It's fan-fiction. Rules of science can be bent/broken!_

_Lastly, thanks to all of you who're reading, following, reviewing, and favoring this! You're the reason I'm continuing to bang out these chapters! _

_Chapter 4 will be what I'm sure all of you have been waiting for: Shepard and Miranda reunite! I already know what will happen and how it will happen. Pretty sure tissues will be recommended and I will have it posted by the end of the upcoming week!_

_Until then, enjoy!_

_UPDATE: I decided to update a couple scenes: Tali and Garrus' conversation, as well as Miranda's reflections on Shepard, plus some grammar clean-up. Enjoy my improved edit!_


	4. Chapter 4

_Hey, folks, it's the moment you've probably all been waiting for! Shepard and Miranda get back together! Read, review, and most importantly, enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter 4: Together, Now and Forever**

Ashley Williams stood silent in the comm room, her eyes wide and her jaw had dropped with what she had just been told. She blinked a couple times before very quickly shaking her head in disbelief, "I…I'm sorry, sir, but are you actually serious?"

"_I'm always serious, Lt. Commander. And yes, it is true. Shepard is alive. He regained consciousness 41 hours ago and doctors tell me that he'll make a full recovery_."

Ashley tried to keep herself composed, but she couldn't help but give a slightly choked sob. "That…that's so good to hear, Admiral, it's…it's very good news." She couldn't believe it. All this time she thought he was dead…she should've known better, she thought to herself. If the Collectors couldn't keep Shepard dead, what could?

"_It is, Lt. Commander. We released the news about a day ago, and anyone can see that the morale of everyone in the Alliance has gone up, probably will get even higher now that the _Normandy_'s back on the grid. I want you to take her to the Sol System. Shepard's being interred at the Mars Naval Medical Center, I'll be meeting you there as well for your debriefing. We just got a fix on your location; I'm sending you the coordinates for the nearest mass relay._"

Ashley quickly composed herself and relayed the coordinates to the cockpit. "Joker, did you just receive the coordinates from Admiral Hackett?"

"_Aye-aye, LC. Our ETA to Sol System is 7 hours_."

Ashley nodded and turned back to Hackett, "Did you hear that, Admiral?"

_"I did, and I'll make sure there's a docking bay ready for you. Glad to hear everyone on the Normandy's okay, you did a fine job bringing that ship back, Lt. Commander_."

Ashley face faulted some, "There's a very good team here, Admiral. I'm sure the Commander would agree that a leader is only as good as the team that follows them."

"_I agree, but the team also needs to be willing to follow that leader to accomplish the mission, and you did a fine job of that_."

Ashley only nodded slightly, "They all did what they had to do, Admiral, but thank you." The two exchanged salutes.

_"We'll talk again on Mars, Hackett out_."

As soon as the transmission ended, Ashley immediately started sobbing again. Unlike the times she cried before, these were of happiness. Shepard was actually alive, the Normandy was running, and they were now on their way home. After a few moments, she quickly gathered herself, knowing that she had to tell the crew. She took several deep breaths, then touched a button on the comm console, "Traynor, patch me through to the whole ship." After a brief pause, she got confirmation that she was now broadcasting through the ship's PA.

"Crew, this is acting captain Ashley Williams. I have good news. First, we are now 7 hours from the Sol System. We'll be docking at the Mars Naval Medical Center. Second…" She took a deep breath, trying to keep her voice from shaking, "…Commander Shepard has been found. He…He's alive, being cared for on Mars. I…I want to personally thank each and every one of you for all you've done. You've made the Alliance and the galaxy and your people all proud, as well as yourself…Lt. Commander Williams, out."

Ashley could almost sense the emotions of the crew from her news. She was sure some were jubilant, others were relieved. Some ecstatic, others reserved. Regardless, she knew all of them were glad that Shepard was alive. In a sense, he was the heart and soul of the _Normandy_, the one they all counted on and they knew, as long as Shepard was alive, no matter how hopeless the situation seemed, they could always count on him. Ashley looked upwards, silently saying a thank-you for Shepard being alive. She had prayed for it, as hopeless as it seemed, but now…she knew it was worth it, and while she knew Shepard and herself were strictly platonic, she was as happy as she had been in what seemed like too long.

One Hour later, on Mars

Shepard slowly walked around his room, trying to get himself used to being on his feet again. Even though the recovery time for him was going quicker than expected, he was still going to be under observation as well as going through some physical therapy for a few more days, just to make sure he was fully functional. From what Dr. Michel had told him about his injuries, even he was surprised that he was alive. He had had almost half of his cybernetics overloaded when the Crucible fired, shrapnel had torn through some of his muscles, and his right leg had been, for lack of a better term, shredded when he was hit by Harbinger, plus a bullet in his side when a lone Marauder had shot him on his way staggering to the beam to the Citadel. When hearing of the injuries, Shepard felt a greater appreciation for what the doctor on the _Dunkirk_ did, not only keeping him alive, but also fixing many of his worse injuries. The doctor, Dr. Sturmer, briefly came to see that he was okay. Shepard was only able to give him a quick thank you before the doctor left, presumably to lend his help somewhere else in the facility.

The sound of his door opening caused Shepard to quickly turn, at least as quickly as he could with his still healing injuries. He saw Admiral Hackett walk in, the old war veteran showing even more signs of age than when he had been on the Normandy just a few weeks prior, preparing to attack the Reapers at Earth. Even so, there was still a glint in the admiral's eye, showing that things were starting to be for the better. Shepard saluted, "Admiral."

Hackett returned the salute and then smiled, stepping up to Shepard and offering his hand. Shepard responded with a strong firm handshake of his own. "Commander. It's damn good to see you alive."

"It's good to be alive again, sir."

"I would imagine so; given how many times you've cheated death. Some even consider you immortal, now, Shepard."

Shepard couldn't help but smile, shaking his head, crossing his arms, "Far from that, Admiral. Just lucky, that's all."

"Sometimes, luck is all that someone needs," Hackett walked over to the large window in Shepard's hospital room, looking out at the Mars landscape, "And believe me, Shepard, we needed all the luck we could get." Shepard joined him at the window, looking out as well.

"So, is what I've heard true, that the Reapers are completely destroyed?"

"Systems are still reporting in, but it's starting to look like that's the case. You did well, Shepard. You saved all of us…well, most of us, anyways. Unfortunately, when the Crucible was fired, all artificial life was destroyed along with the Reapers."

Shepard paused at that, "So, does that mean the geth are…?"

Hackett nodded, "Not one of them is still active. All of them were destroyed. I'm sorry, Commander. I know you did a lot to end the war with the geth and the quarians, and the geth were an enormous help for us."

Shepard felt a strong twinge of guilt. He remembered how Legion had sacrificed itself to give all geth independent thought, making them actual living beings with free will. It made him feel that Legion's sacrifice was in vain, "Sir, if…if I could've done things differently, I would've. I had no choice."

"I understand, Shepard. You had to make the choice with the cards you were dealt.

Shepard nodded, but still hung his head some, "It's still not easy, sir. I wish something could've been done." He paused for a moment, deciding to clear his mind of the thought of the loss of the geth before continuing his conversation, "What about the rest of the races?"

"Everyone's still in recovery mode and it's pretty much every race for themselves right now. The asari are just now beginning to assess the damage done to Thessia. The turians have their hands full making sense of the losses on Palavan. The salarians have relatively light work on their colonies and Sur'kesh, and the quarians have fortunately had no enemy contacts on Rannoch. Both of them are going to lend their help, the salarians helping the asari restart the mass relays, the quarians helping with infrastructure and ship repairs, as well as lending the rest of their Liveships to housing refugees as well as having temporary hospitals."

"And the krogan, sir?"

Hackett briefly looked at Shepard before turning back to the window, his hands clasped behind him, "The krogan are most likely going to be needed providing a security service for everyone. The Council is preparing to declare galaxy-wide martial law, just so to not complicate recovery efforts. Probably won't be met with much resistance, as everyone is still trying to make sense of the Reapers' devastation everywhere."

Shepard raised an eyebrow, briefly looking over to Hackett, "I'm surprised the Council made it off the Citadel alive, sir."

"The Council was evacuated when word first came the Reapers and Cerberus were arriving. After what Sovereign had done almost 3 years ago, nobody took any chances. The _Destiny Endurance_ was able to take them to safety right away. They'll be there until something can be done to repair the Citadel. Word is, it's probably going to be moved back to the Serpent Nebula, though that will take some time, with all fleets trying to gather themselves."

Shepard nodded, his mind still accepting and pondering everything he'd been told. It was almost overwhelming, but he needed to know, "And how is the Alliance doing?"

Hackett lowered his head some, "I won't lie, Shepard, it's not the best scenario for us. Our fleet's at 40 percent strength. Only now have we been able to get some semblance of a fleet present here in the Sol System. Our manpower is greatly down, especially due to the push to the Citadel beam. What we have left is doing an admirable job in recovering survivors, but…it's still a heavy blow for us. Our best estimates have total human losses at anywhere from 40-55 percent."

Shepard shuddered at that, his voice softening, "You mean 5-6 billion people lost, sir?"

"Yes, from either being killed by the Reapers or later killed as indoctrinated husks. Almost the same percentages can be said for every other Council race, especially the turians and asari. Recovery for the whole galaxy will take decades, and that's the conservative opinion. Luckily, for the first time ever, the galaxy is completely united in this. Yes, each of the races is busy repairing their homeworlds and colonies and such, but once that's done, we will be united. Our petty differences are lost now, everyone's in this together."

Shepard nodded, but his voice was low, "But at what cost? If only we could've been able to unite them before the Reapers came…" Hackett shook his head.

"It wouldn't have mattered, Commander. We still would've had loses, regardless of our readiness for the Reapers. No one couldn't have prepared for it. Be thankful you saved the lives you could. You did what no one else has ever done in existing history: defeated the Reapers."

Shepard's inner turmoil finally started to boil and his tone sharpened, even though he didn't mean to say it in that way to Hackett, "Admiral, with all due respect, I'm just a soldier, like everyone else still alive in the Alliance. I never asked for any of this. There were plenty of others, better men, who could've done it, who probably should've done it." To his surprise, Hackett stayed stoic, almost in an understanding way.

"I understand, Shepard, and I feel the same way. I lost many friends of my own over the years, during Shanxi, the Skyllian Blitz, during this war with the Reapers. Men who were far better commanders than I ever could be. You don't think I wish that they were still alive instead of me? I try to reason that they were spared instead of me for a reason; that I needed to be the one to lead in this, our darkest hour. I'm not saying there were other soldiers who could've done what you did, Shepard, I'm just saying that sometimes there is no reason why the fates decided you're here and they're not, and sometimes there are."

Shepard just somberly nodded, feeling slightly better for saying what he said before, as well as taking in what the admiral was telling him, "Doesn't make me feel better, knowing they're gone and I'm still here, sir."

"I know what you're thinking, Shepard. That you would prefer to be dead so others could be alive, a lot of people think the same way. Believe me; you're doing more for this galaxy surviving than you ever could dead. A lot of people are happy that you're alive. You represent the hope of the galaxy surviving and persevering through these hardships. Plus, you've inspired all your fellow Alliance soldiers, as well as your former teammates."

Shepard looked back at Hackett, raising an eyebrow, "You told them I'm alive?"

"The ones I could make contact with, yes. Jacqueline Nought and Jacob Taylor are both on Earth, helping recovery efforts. Miranda Lawson as well, and she's on her way here to Mars right now." The last line from Hackett caused Shepard's heart to seemingly skip a beat, his eyes widening.

"Miranda? You, you made contact with her?"

"Yes. She was on Horizon, helping with some of the recovery efforts there. She's on her way here, to identify a body we found on the Citadel, as well as to see you, I'm guessing."

Shepard inwardly felt flustered, almost giving a masculine blush, "I-I'm not sure of that, sir." It was embarrassing for him, having the topic of his personal life brought up, especially with Hackett. The admiral just gave a slight grin.

"I kind of overheard your conversation with her on Earth, Commander. Don't worry; nothing will get out, not as long as I say so." He was going to say more, but his omni-tool started beeping. Hackett briefly glanced at it, and then turned to Shepard, "Well, I wish I could say more, Commander, but I need to get back to coordinating the fleet. Also need to prepare to debrief the crew of the _Normandy_."

"The _Normandy_'s okay, sir?" As surprised as Shepard was about Miranda's pending arrival, he could barely comprehend that his ship was back as well. It made his heart soar again.

"Yes, we made contact with it about 2 hours ago. Apparantly, they got blown off course somehow to some unknown planet in some remote system. We're still trying to figure out how it all happened. Only a couple days ago that they were able to get her engines running. We'll know more once we get Lt. Commander Williams' full report."

Shepard couldn't help but give a slight smile at this, "Ash is in command?" He smiled because, given how much Ashley had served under him and had, at times, struggled to maintain control and command; it was hard to see her commanding the _Normandy_.

"Yes, and since she's the ranking Alliance officer on that ship right now, it's really no surprise. We'll see from the full reports how she did, but given that she was able to rally the crew to bring the Normandy back, it speaks volumes on how well she is capable of leading, Commander."

Shepard nodded, feeling proud for Ashley, "It's a good crew and I'm sure she did just fine."

"I'm sure of it as well, Commander. I have to go. We can talk later, especially about what your plans with the Alliance will be. I'll give you time to think about that." With that, Hackett nodded and walked out the room, leaving Shepard alone.

Shepard turned back to the window, trying to take in all that he had been told. While hearing about the state of the galaxy was somewhat on his mind, as well as the status of the _Normandy_, there was something more on his mind. It made his heart flutter, thinking about it.

Miranda…She was coming, and it was all he could think about now. How was she? How did she still feel about him? Was it the same he felt about her? It was his thinking of her that kept him alive, that much he could recall. If…if she didn't want to be with him anymore…He couldn't fathom the thought. If that was the case, it most certainly would mean that he might as well be dead. He now knew she was everything he could ever need, ever again, everything else in the galaxy be damned. He quietly prayed it was the same for her…

4 hours later

A lone Alliance shuttle settled itself into the landing bay at the Alliance Medical Center. As soon as the door opened, Miranda quickly walked out, heading straight for the door into the facility, Oriana trying her hardest to keep up. As tired as they both were, having been traveling nonstop from Horizon through the numerous relays, finally to the Sol System, plus refueling stops, a total of about 2 ½ days of traveling, Miranda's anticipation couldn't wait anymore. She needed to see him. To see if…

The two walked in, Miranda quickly looking around for any recognizable Alliance figure that could help her through the facility. Oriana touched her arm and pointed to the direction of Admiral Hackett, who was beckoning them over with a waving gesture. Miranda walked up to him, shaking his offered hand, "Admiral."

Hackett nodded back, "Good to see you, Miss Lawson. Hope your trip wasn't too much of a hassle."

"The detours were a slight pain, admiral, but nothing to dwell on."

"I can imagine. With so few relays active right now, coordinating traffic's been a nightmare. Come," He led Miranda, Oriana following close behind, through the facility, "Now, you've been told about the body we found on the Citadel, correct?"

"Yes, and based on what you told me, I'm willing to wager it's the Illusive Man." Miranda was trying to remain professional, but her mind was stuck on Shepard. She knew that Hackett didn't ask her to come here just to identify the Illusive Man's body. She needed to see Shepard, and she already knew that if she was told to go ID the body first…she was going to make sure she saw Shepard first. Nothing was going to stop her from that.

"Well, that's why you're here, Ms. Lawson. Since you're the former Cerberus second-in-command, and the only person from Cerberus that actually met the Illusive Man face to face that's still alive, you're the only person we can trust to ID him."

"At least you trust me with this, Admiral. Most Alliance brass still doesn't trust me," Miranda's patience was wearing thin. If Hackett delayed her any longer…

"Trust may be hard to come by, Ms. Lawson, but I've read enough of your contributions to the Alliance to have my faith in you. Your information on Cerberus was extremely valuable." He stopped at that point and looked at a long hallway to his left. Miranda stopped and turned to look as well. The hallway consisted of doors, each of which had a hospital room behind it. The last door, way down at the end, had two Alliance soldiers guarding it. She slowly turned back to Hackett, her heart beating in anticipation.

"Is…is he…?" Hackett just nodded and gestured to the door far down the hallway.

"Code's 42953, Ms. Lawson. The guards will let you in," Hackett gave a light smile and nod, and then walked away, back to his command duties. Miranda turned back to the hallway, slowly taking her first steps to the door on the end. She felt her body start to shake, her heart beating faster and faster, her breathing becoming quicker and slightly more audible as she got closer and closer to the door. As she got close enough, the two soldiers stepped aside; pointing the assault rifles they had skyward, signaling they were letting her through. Her hand went to the keypad, pausing as she felt a sense of hesitation.

"Ori…what…what if he…?" She felt her sister's hand on her shoulder, comforting her. She wanted to say something to her sister to comfort her, but Oriana concluded that the comforting touch was all she needed. Sure enough, Miranda slowly keyed in the code, the tension growing more. As the final digit was entered, the door's status turned green, and then it opened. Miranda took two steps in and then stopped, her hand going to cover her mouth to somewhat quiet her gasp.

There he was, standing firm and determined, as she always remembered of him. He was looking outside his window, apparently lost in thought. As soon as the door opened, he turned, his own eyes widening as he saw who it was. He was wearing a grey N7 t-shirt, one that somewhat fit snug to him, outlining some of his toned and muscled torso, and a pair of Alliance windbreaker pants, as well as a comfortable pair of standard issue Alliance shoes. He had some noticeable cuts and scabs on parts of his face what was showing of his arms, but his eyes still had the same strong blue that she remembered. Her own eyes shimmered, her lower lip trembling.

"S-Shepard?" Her voice was soft, but loud enough for him to hear her. She looked exactly how he had last seen her, how he remembered her. She was still wearing her usual white and black bodysuit, one he hardly ever saw her not wearing, her dark hair wonderfully framing her face, her own blue eyes seeming to glow in his mind. He turned to her, his own heart pounding as he saw her. He didn't respond, but his eyes told her it was him. She quickly walked to him, ready to put her arms around him, and then, she stopped.

Part of her wanted to quickly embrace him, but she wanted to be sure. She almost felt that if she hugged him right away, he would disappear, like she was living in a dream that was too real to be true. She slowly reached for him, her hands slowly going to his chest. She felt the firmness of the muscles there, slowly moving her hands to his broad strong shoulders, then one hand going to his face, feeling the sculpted cheek, the slight scars of yesteryear still felt through her gloved hands, as well as his distinct stubble of facial hair. His eyes looked to hers, which were glistening and his voice spoke to her, a tender deep whisper, "Miranda…"

Her inner dam of emotions finally burst then. She quickly wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pressing her face to the crook of his neck. Her inner control dissolved as she immediately broke into loud sobs, crying hard against him, holding onto him as tightly as she could. Shepard returned the embrace, his hands resting on her back as he held her just as close, gently brushing his face against her silky black hair, breathing in the scent that he had not smelled in what seemed like years, that sweet honey-citrus scent that he recognized. He felt his own eyes glisten as he heard her heartfelt sobs.

"Shepard…It's…it's really…it's really you…I…I can't believe…Oh, Shepard…" Miranda continued to cry against her dear lover's shoulder, not caring that her tears were soaking his shirt. He didn't mind either as he kept one hand on her lower back, the other stroking up to the back of her head, feeling her soft, silky hair, holding her as he spoke back softly to her.

"Shh, Miranda…I'm here…I'm…here…" His own voice broke some as one tear flowed down his face as well. Nearby, Oriana stood happily, tears pouring down her face as she saw the happy reunion. She couldn't help but take a picture of the embrace with her omni-tool. For all the images of death and destruction that she'd seen in the days prior, this image of two lovers reunited was one she knew erased everything else. Miranda finally pulled her face away from Shepard's shoulder, looking up to his eyes.

"Shepard, I…I thought for sure that…I…I didn't want to think you were dead. I…I wanted to hope, to hope that you were…" She spoke in choked sobs, her held-in emotions finally breaking the surface. Shepard smiled softly to her, his hand tenderly holding her cheek.

"Miranda…when I was lying there, on the Citadel…all I could think of was you. How…how I promised you I would come back. I…I couldn't bear to break that promise, to leave you behind." His words sounded as sincere as they could be in her ears, her lips turning into a smile. "I love you , Miranda. And I never want to leave you behind again, ever."

"I…I love you too, Shepard. I love you so much…" She promptly pressed her lips to his, still gently crying as she kissed him as firmly as she could, tilting her head some with the kiss. Shepard returned it, kissing her back just as firmly and sincerely as he knew his heart felt about her. The kiss lasted a long time, followed by several other short kisses as the two savored their moment back together. Miranda's vision now started to blur as tears were covering them some, "Uh…e-excuse me…" She quickly turned away, reluctantly breaking the embrace to wipe her tears away. As she did, Shepard looked over to his left, seeing Oriana standing there, tears still flowing from her face as well.

"Hi, Oriana." Miranda's younger sister smiled, quickly walking to him and hugging him.

"Hi, Shepard. It's so good to see you, "She broke the hug, smiling happily to him, standing back as she saw Miranda turn back to them. She then smiled to both of them, casually wiping her own tears of happiness away. "I'll leave you two alone." With that she turned and walked out the room, though briefly giving a happy look back to the couple before the door closed. After the door closed, Miranda and Shepard looked to each other again, their arms immediately going around one another in a loving embrace as they kissed again, a bit more deeply.

As tempting as it partially was to take it further, both knew that they couldn't, not in a public hospital. Miranda slowly parted the kiss, hugging Shepard to her again, not wanting to let go again, "Shepard…I don't…I can't be away from you anymore. Can…can we promise each other, right now, that we'll stay like this from now on? Together?" Shepard eased the hug enough to look into her eyes, gently stroking a few stray strands of her hair aside so he could look adoringly into her eyes, which glistened and shined to him.

"I think I can definitely make that promise, Ms. Lawson." She smiled happily and kissed him again, holding to her lover tightly. It was all everything she had hoped and dreamed, ever since she found out he was alive. It was all that mattered to her now. The aftermath of the war, the destruction she saw, even her sister, none of it mattered to her now, as selfish as it sounded. No, she thought to herself. After giving so much to the war, she felt she and Shepard had a right to be selfish for once. Right here, right now, this was all that mattered.

* * *

_Awwww…I hope all of you had tissues standing by as you read this! I will admit, I had some tears writing Shepard and Miranda's long-awaited reunion. I hope it was as good for you as it was for me writing it. The best part was that scene came out exactly how I had pictured it in my mind, which makes me that much happier!_

_I'm glad I was able to get this out before Thanksgiving, which I'm going to spend with my family, thankfully, and I'm also thankful for all the views I'm getting for this story so far, as well as all the reviews, people following this story as well as making it one of their favorites. I know I said this before, but I'm VERY thankful for all of you! The fact so many want to read my work makes me that much more determined to write. Thank you, all of you!_

_Now, I have some crucial papers to write this weekend and next week as graduation grows near, so I'm not sure when Chapter 5 will come out. _

_Chapter 5 will be part 2 of reunions: Shepard reunites with his crew! Also, what has Liara been up to? I feel almost guilty that I haven't even mentioned her in this story so far, even more that no one has mentioned it so far! The first part of Chapter 5 will have a small flashback scene with Ashley and Liara before the present when the crew meets Shepard again. From there, we will let the fates decide! Also, something to look forward to, Miranda and Ashley are going to have a face-to-face conversation in the next chapter as well!_

_Also, please keep up the reviews! Glad to hear your input and any advice you can give! _

_To LcLaIr: I'll never say an idea's a terrible one, however, I'm sure of this; Shepard won't be having any near-death or death moments anymore in this story. Thanks for your review anyways! I'm glad to hear I have fans of this story!_

_So, a Happy Thanksgiving to all you awesome readers and KEEP READIN' AND WRITIN'!_

_UPDATE: I gave a nice little touch-up on the Shepard/Hackett scene, just cleaning up some little needed fixes in the story. Also, have been planning some new things to write about in the future, including one that will happen: _

_One of Shepard's close team members WILL die in this story. I know, I know, you're already going WTH, Ty, why? You'll see. It will become sort of the key moment when everything changes for the rest of the team for the rest of the story. I'm not going to say who, though. Guess all you want, but I already know who it will be, and trust me, it wasn't an easy choice. Otherwise, enjoy!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5- Reunions to the Past, Decisions for the Future**

Ashley stepped out of the elevator, having reached the crew deck level. She had just told the crew of Shepard's survival, and as she expected, there was a case of happy euphoria coming out of almost everyone. Crew members were shaking hands and sharing happy embraces, not only with the commander being alive, but also that the Reapers had been defeated and the crew was finally returning to the Sol System. Williams was just as happy as anyone, but she had to keep herself more in control, being the acting captain. She knew many of the crew members had families on Earth or in the Alliance as well, and everyone was eager to get home and find out the fate of many of them. Ashley had seen all the crew since then. All, except for one. Since the crash of the _Normandy_, Ashley had barely seen Liara. She knew the asari had stayed almost the entire near two weeks in her cabin, only coming out on occasion to quickly eat before retreating back. Williams could only wonder for a while why Liara had isolated herself from everyone else, since her cabin was also inaccessible for the whole time. Now, only a few hours away from the Sol System, Ashley had to try one more time.

She walked to the door, putting her hand on the access panel. She watched the green-yellow circle turn slowly, her eyes staring flatly at it, almost wanting to will it to give her what she wanted. Much to her semi-surprise and relief, the circled turned green, this resulted in the door opening. As the door opened, Ashley saw Liara, standing in front of the multitude of screens lining the right of the cabin's wall, holding a data pad in her left hand, typing almost furiously with her right, her head never turning, and not even acknowledging Williams' entrance. Ashley began to step towards Liara when a large white sphere hovered in front of her, much to Ashley's surprise. The sphere tilted down, then back up before speaking.

"Greeting, Lt. Commander Williams. It is a pleasant surprise to see you here." The drone's words caught Liara's attention and she turned to Ashley, giving a genuinely friendly smile. Her face still showed some tiredness and exhaustion, but her eyes were still full of life and hope, and even the asari's posture was upright, showing very little stress at all.

"Ashley, how nice of you to come visit." It was only habit for Liara to speak in such a way, even though she had isolated herself from the rest of the _Normandy_ for the whole time. Now, that she had taken care of her biggest priorities, she eased up on her reclusiveness, allowing her door to be accessed by certain crew members, Ashley included. Williams' eyes were still looking at the VI drone and she shook her head in disbelief.

"Uh…okay, I just have to ask this, Liara: How the _hell_ did that drone survive the Crucible's fire?" Her perplexed look on her face nearly caused Liara to laugh, something she rarely did, largely because she knew how simple the answer was, but she knew Ashley would have to be enlightened. She instead just smiled a bit more.

"Glyph is a VI program, not a true synthetic life form, like the geth or…or EDI. When the Crucible's fire hit the Normandy, Glyph was simply temporarily shut down, like a computer when it suffers an error and needs to be rebooted. All it took was a simple restart and he was operational again."

"Correct. Thanks to several back-up programs, I was only inoperable for a short time. Dr. T'Soni was able to restart me and I was back to full operation capacity in approximately 5 hours, 35 minutes." Liara gave a face fault at the last sentence and glanced back at Ashley.

"Make that a semi-simple restart. Since then, Glyph and I have been working on restoring the status of my…resources." She paused, not wanting to instantly blurt out her identity as the Shadow Broker. Even though it was known by several people, including Ashley, Vega, Hackett, and of course Shepard, she had to keep it secret, which was also another reason why she kept herself isolated. With so many crew members of the _Normandy_ bustling about for over a week, she had good reason to do so. Ashley understood the secrecy and nodded.

"And how has that been going?"

"Quite well, in fact. Despite not having any contact with my agents for over a week, operations have gotten back to normal in quite a short space of time. Fortunately, Feron was able to…fill in for me, so to speak, making sure operations were performing as usual, despite my absence." Liara continued to finish typing on her data pad, turning back to her screens, keeping a close eye on them, almost talking like she was speaking to herself rather than to Williams. Ashley went to her side, her arms crossed, her brow wrinkled in question.

"Feron?"

Liara at this point noticed the Lt. Commander standing next to her and nodded before returning back to the screens, "Feron is my most trusted agent. He is the only one in my network who knows my true identity, and he is in charge of acquiring new agents, if needed. I met him when I was trying to find Shepard after the first _Normandy_ was destroyed."

"Wait, what?" Ashley's tone of shock caused Liara to wince softly, not realizing what she had blurted out. "You found Shepard's body after he died?" Liara lowered her head, gently putting her data pad on a nearby table and folded her arms, turning her head to Ashley, whose eyes were now wide, her mouth almost wide open, and her eyebrows showing near anger mixed with question.

"…Yes. After Shepard had disappeared, I couldn't quite accept that he wasn't dead. I tried to find leads, hints, any kind of clues that could help me. Feron was my contact who had the information I needed. About a month after the Normandy was destroyed, my investigation led me to Omega. There, I met Feron. It's strange. Feron was really a former agent of the previous Shadow Broker, and his orders had been to lead me away from Shepard. The Shadow Broker had wanted to sell Shepard's body to the Collectors."

Ashley could only stand in shock, her body frozen in her crossed-arms pose, her body angled to Liara some as she tried to take in all that T'Soni was telling her, "Wait, the Collectors wanted Shepard's body? Why?"

"I'm not sure. I almost thought it was because Shepard had been able to defeat a Reaper, Sovereign, and since the Collectors were just Prothean husks under the Reapers' control, they were ordered to acquire his body for study and to revive him. The Reapers knew Shepard as a threat." Ashley nodded and it suddenly made sense to her as she thought more.

"…And also Shepard had those Prothean images branded into his mind. They might have wanted to know if Shepard found any Prothean hints to stopping the Reapers." This somewhat surprised Liara, but she gave a nod at that, walking over to another console, sitting in a chair, typing some more.

"Sounds logical to me; that was probably why the Collectors attacked us so soon after we defeated Sovereign. At any rate, Feron had been working for the Shadow Broker, but was also then helping Cerberus. He led me to meeting Miranda Lawson."

Ashley paused at this, her face showing now surprise as she stared at Liara, taking in what she said, "…You met her _before_ Shepard was working with Cerberus?" Liara nodded, her face now being sullen in expression.

"Yes, I helped her by recovering Shepard's body and giving him to Cerberus to revive him," Liara said this knowing that Ashley was going to be even more angered by this.

"_What?_ You gave Shepard to Cerberus?! Liara…wh-why the hell would you do that?!" Liara promptly stood up and faced Williams, seeing how furious she now was, her own face being a straight and stern as it could be.

"Ashley, it was either Cerberus or the Collectors. Even though I had my doubts about Cerberus, Miranda, the Illusive Man, and whether or not they could bring Shepard back to life, it was the lesser of the two evils. If he was given back to the Alliance, he would've been buried. Cerberus was willing to use their resources to bring him back. I'm sorry, Ashley. I…I knew if we were going to have any chance of defeating the Reapers, at all, we needed Shepard. I understand how upset you are, Ashley, but I did what I needed to do."

Ashley, while still bitter about this, just softly nodded, though she was still shocked that Liara had admitted such a thing, that she had allowed Cerberus to bring Shepard back to life, "I…I understand, Liara…but still…You saw what Cerberus did when we were chasing Saren…"

"Yes, and like I said, I had my doubts. But, in the end, it was what I had hoped for. Shepard was brought back to life, and the Reapers were defeated. I did what was necessary. I'm sorry." Liara said this with a measure of regret, a tone that caused Ashley to shake her head with a heavy sigh, then gently, though still with effort, smiled, putting her hand on Liara's shoulder.

"No, it's okay, Liara. I just…I just didn't expect to be told this, especially from you. You're right, you did what you had to, and…I'm glad you did." Ashley paused, pondering what she was going to say next. She had been subconsciously thinking of it since Liara mentioned her name. "So…you said you met Miranda Lawson recovering Shepard?"

"Yes." Liara glanced back at Ashley, standing up to return to her monitors. "You met her as well, didn't you?"

"Yeah, briefly, on Horizon twice, then at our party on the Citadel; didn't really get a chance to talk to her much. Liara, what was she like when you first met her?" Even though there was no mention of Miranda and Shepard being together, Liara could tell that was Ashley was trying to hint at without saying. She turned away from her monitors, looking at the window, watching the stars slowly go by, her arms crossed.

"She was a very cold person. What is the human expression, 'ice queen'? That was Miranda. She never showed any emotion, any remorse at all when she helped me recovered Shepard. It seemed that all that mattered to her was her work with Cerberus. I think that was all she had at that time." She looked over to Ashley, who stood next to her at this point. Even though it wasn't asked, Liara said what she knew she had to say to Williams. "Shepard…changed her, Ashley. We even had a talk about it when he invited me to visit the _Normandy_ after the Collectors were defeated. I saw how much Miranda had changed. She was…happier, less cold. She looked like she had found something that she needed and never looked for. She needed someone like Shepard."

"Yeah…I guess…It's just that..."Ashley sighed heavily, "I just feel like I was part of the reason her and Shepard are together now. I chose to walk away from him on Horizon. I just feel that…dammit, if I hadn't walked away, we…we could still be…" Her face started to show signs of emotions breaking again. Liara turned to her, putting her hand on Ashley's arm.

"Ashley, I understand how you feel about Shepard still. I know you still care for him and that you still love him. And if you truly do love him…do you?" Ashley nodded, giving a very weak Yes as a response. Liara smiled softly, "Then you want him to be happy. And…he is very happy with Miranda, and I know she feels the same. And that is all that you wish for him, to be happy." Ashley could only nod in response to this, her face still not showing any sign that she was overly convinced by Liara's words. This caused the asari to hug her, the two holding each other for a long moment. "Ashley, I know this is hard, but, when we get to Mars, you should talk to Shepard. I can only say so much, but you really need to talk to him."

"I know…and I should…" She took a deep breath and nodded with a smile, "Thanks, Liara. I…I needed that." She gave a loud exhale and steadied herself, then gave a half-chuckle, "Remember when we were chasing Saren and we were thinking Shepard wanted one of us over the other?" Liara couldn't help but give a soft laugh of her own, putting her hand on her forehead, smiling more at recalling the memory.

"Oh, by the goddess, yes. How young and naïve I was then. How we both were. I must admit, I was mostly interested in Shepard only because he had those images from the Prothean beacon in his mind. I was interested in him more so in a research perspective. How silly is that?"

"It's not. Shepard actually overheard me playing a message from my younger sister, Sarah, and she was saying how cute Shepard was. Damn, I wanted to just sink into the crew deck when that happened." Ashley laughed at the thought, Liara smiling with her as they went silent for a long minute, then Ashley nodded again, slowly moving towards the door, "Thanks again, Liara. I…I'm glad you told me everything you did. I really am. I'll let you know when we get near Mars."

"Thanks, Ashley. Stop by again some time." Liara nodded back, then returned to her monitors, grabbing her data pad as she resumed her work.

5 hours later

Ashley walked through the hallway of the Mars Naval Medical Center, almost the rest of the crew following close behind. They had just been debriefed by Admiral Hackett, and were now being lead to Shepard's room, Ashley walking side-by-side with Hackett. "So, sir, you sure you want me to do this?"

Hackett nodded, "Right now, we don't have enough officers to coordinate recovery efforts on Earth. With the Normandy in dry dock for the next 20 hours, the help of you and Lt. Vega would be much appreciated."

"We'll keep that in mind, sir. We just need a bit of time to settle in some, and then we'll let you know."

"Understood, Lt. Commander. Just don't wait too long. There are a lot of people on Earth that need everyone's help." With that, Hackett had led them to the hallway where Shepard's room was. Ashley turned to look at the hallway, and saw Miranda Lawson walking up the hallway in their direction. She watched, feeling slightly bitter knowing she was watching her ex-boyfriend's lover walk by. Miranda noticed Ashley looking at her, and gave a light nod, her face completely stoic, which reminded Ashley of how she had perceived Miranda prior, as an icy person. Miranda walked up to Hackett with a nod and Hackett led her to another part of the facility. Ashley quickly shook her head to remove of any negative petty thoughts she had. She had to remind herself of the conversation she had with Liara earlier and that caused her to clear her mind. She stepped forward to the door, entering the code, waiting in anticipation…

The door opened, and there he was, standing in that same determined posture that she had known for 3 years. All Ashley could do was smile as she briskly stepped towards him and hugged him firmly, letting out what almost sounded like a laugh mixed with a happy sob. She couldn't help but shed a couple tears as she finally spoke in an emotion-choked voice. "Good to see you alive, Skipper."

Shepard happily hugged Ashley back, smiling as well as he responded, "Good to see you too, Ash." He broke the hug, still keeping the smile, "You did a good job bringing the _Normandy_ back." Ashley at this point smirked to him in response.

"I was just holding it down for you, Commander, that's all." Shepard nodded, but before more could be said, a hard slap landed on his back, causing him to stagger forward slightly.

"LOCO! Guess you don't die that easy, huh?"

Shepard groaned, leaning himself back briefly in reaction to the blow, "Ugh, keep those slaps up, James, and I'll be dead soon enough." Vega just chuckled, clapping his hands together.

"Nah, if the Reapers can't kill you, how the hell would I?"

Shepard just smirked at the lieutenant, shaking his head, though his attention was taken away by Liara's approach, and the two hugged dearly, Liara actually shedding a tear as she spoke, "I'm glad to see you again, Shepard. You have to stop nearly dying on us, though." She smiled as she said this, breaking the hug. Garrus came up, right next to Liara.

"Why not? Shepard's made it a hobby of cheating death, it seems." The two comrades shook hands, Shepard giving his good friend a pat on the shoulder, Garrus giving as much as a happy smile as he could.

"Nice to see you too, Garrus."

"And you, Shepard. Wow, first Saren, then the Collectors, and now Harbinger and all of his Reaper friends? When will the galaxy finally learn, never piss off Commander Shepard?" Shepard just grinned and shook his head, then got another greeting hug from Tali, who also voiced her happiness seeing Shepard alive. Shepard then noticed Steve Cortez was part of the group as well and the two shook hands.

"Cortez! Glad to see you made it back to the _Normandy_ back in one piece."

"Me too. I'm also glad to see you alive with us, Commander. It's…it's great…" Cortez smiled at the Commander, before Vega patted him on the shoulder.

"Uh, might want to back off, Esteban. You know the Commander's taken, right?" Cortez smirked, turning to James.

"What, did I get you worried for a moment, lieutenant?"

Vega took a couple steps back, crossing his arms, "Hey, that's how bad rumors get started, _pendejo_!" Everyone shared a laugh at that, as Dr. Chakwas, who was also part of the group, walked forward, hugging Shepard as well.

"It's good to see you alive again, Shepard. It just wouldn't have been the same to have you be the one to leave us behind." She parted the hug and looked him over, smiling as she crossed her arms, "And I see that Dr. Michel's work has paid off. You look very good, Shepard."

"She's done a tremendous job. She's also had her hands full here, Doc. She sure could use your help."

"And I do plan on helping, though not at this facility." Chakwas' response had Shepard look at her, then everyone else in the room.

"What's going on?"

Ashley spoke up this time, "Well, the Normandy's in dry dock here for at least a week, trying to repair the ship to specs. We're all sort of going our separate ways, at least for during the repairs."

Garrus nodded, "Yeah, I need to get back to Palavan. I just made contact a couple hours ago with my father and my sister. Going to go see them and Primarch Victus wants to speak to me as well. Guess the turian hierarchy has some plans in mind for me."

Shepard nodded. He remembered how Garrus had mentioned his father and sister were alive after he wasn't sure for weeks. He remembered how it bothered Garrus, even when he kept trying to do other things to keep his mind off it. "I'm surprised the Primarch survived. I remember talking to him just before the big push on Earth."

"Me too. I guess he left just as the Crucible fired. As much of a fighting leader he was, he knew it was important for him to survive. Kind of curious as to how he'll handle leading during peace, though." Shepard nodded, and then turned to Tali as she spoke.

"And I need to get back to Rannoch. The Admiralty Board will be meeting to discuss the future of our fleet, and we're going to also plan to reclaim our former colony worlds, as well as talk to the Council about possibly reinstating our embassy."

"That won't be easy. It'll be hard to convince the Council that the quarians have learned their lesson from their mistakes with the geth." Shepard voiced some skepticism, but to his surprise, Tali nodded in understanding.

"I'm sure of it. Hopefully me, as the unofficial quarian ambassador, I can be able to at least give us a voice in Council politics. Raan will be there to help me as well. She's the most diplomatic of the admirals, along with me." Tali then glanced at her omni-tool, "…And one of the fleet's ships is here to pick me up." She turned back to Shepard, hugging him again, as sincerely as she could, "It's very good to see you alive, Shepard." She parted the hug, giving a nod and walked out, Garrus following close behind. Cortez nodded as well.

"And I need to go see my old Alliance friends. Some of them made it and are here. Want to go meet up with them again." He then left, Chakwas joining him. This left just Ashley and Vega left in the room. Shepard then realized that someone was missing.

"…Where's Joker?" Ashley's eyes lowered some at this and she gave a soft sigh.

"He's…he's still on the Normandy, though…he's kind of struggling with losing…well…"

"EDI?" Ashley nodded at this, Shepard giving a sigh of his own, "Well, hopefully I can be able to talk to him. It…It wasn't an easy choice for me to make…"Both Williams and Vega nodded, then James turned to leave, saying he needed to check on some personal things. Ashley, however, stayed put.

"Shepard, can…can we talk?" She knew it was something she had to do, and she was hoping Shepard was willing to talk as well. His response immediately gave her relief.

"Of course, Ash. What did you want to talk about?"

"Well, about us, kind of…" She trailed off, her arms crossed as she briefly brushed a few strands of hair covering her left eye. She saw Shepard turn to her, seeing his face seem to stay serious, yet soften some. "When…when we had to leave you behind…on Earth…"She drew out the sentence, not sure of how she should say it. She turned to the large window, looking out. Shepard walked up to her.

"Ash…just say what you need to say." He said it softly, and also dearly, which told Ashley that he still cared about her. She sighed.

"I…I was going to say that…I was sorry."

"Sorry about what?"

"About leaving you on Horizon, when you stopped the Collectors…I was stupid then, Shepard. If I could've done it all over again…I would've joined you. I never would've left." For some reason, that made Ashley feel a little bit better, like it was something she needed to let out. Shepard's response to her was firm, but also deep with meaning, a tone that she remembered many times.

"Ash…I honestly don't know if you would've. You said it yourself, you're an Alliance soldier. I just don't think you would've been willing to work with Cerberus. I really didn't want to, myself. But, they were able to help me defeat the Collectors. But, I don't know if you would've joined me, Ash."

As much as she didn't want to admit it, she knew he was right. She sighed again, this time with irritation, "But I would've stayed with you, Shepard. I…I loved you then, and…I still love you now. I guess I never actually stopped."

"Ash, I still love you too, just…not like it used to be."

"Yeah…you have Miranda now." This time, it was Ashley who spoke in the understanding tone. She finally turned her head to Shepard, looking to his eyes. "Do…do you love her?"

Shepard gave a long pause, and then nodded, looking out the window, "I do, Ash. Miranda is…I don't know how to say it. It's almost like…like we're just meant to be together." To his own surprise, Ashley smiled to him.

"I can see that. I know I was kind of judgmental, when I talked about her at the hospital on the Citadel. How I was a real person with flaws, and how I didn't think you were into that anymore. When we ran into her, on Sanctuary, I remember hearing her say, "Nobody's perfect"…

"She's not perfect, Ash. She has flaws, like any person does. She may be genetically modified, but she is still human." Shepard said it recalling Miranda's moment of showing her humanity, when she found out that her former best friend, Niket, had sold out to her father, trying to get to Oriana. He remembered how torn she was, how she seemed to realize that there was nobody from her past that she could trust anymore. Ashley's words broke his thoughts then.

"I know that, Shepard. I…I just wanted to say that I'm happy for you, and…I want you to be happy, with Miranda." Shepard smiled genuinely, putting his hand on her arm.

"Thanks, Ash. It means a lot to hear you say that." The two shared a smile, a long pause lingering between them, before she turned back to the window, smirking some as she changed subjects.

"So, what are going to do now? I mean, once you get cleared to leave here."

"I don't know, honestly. I'm going to talk to Admiral Hackett about…well…maybe retiring." His words caused her head to turn back to him, her mouth open, her eyebrows raised.

"Retiring? You? Shepard, are…are you sure about that?"

"I actually kind of _am_ serious about it, to be honest. I talked about it with Garrus on Earth. I think I've had enough of saving the galaxy now."

Ashley paused for a long moment, taking in what he said, and shook her head, "Yeah, I know, you did it 3 times, but…you're really serious about this, Shepard? You…you've spent nearly half your life with the Alliance. You really think you're just going to be able to retire to a normal life?"

"A normal life's what I kind of need now, Ash. I…I'm not a career Alliance soldier, like you. You do it because you're devoted, Ash. Because, like you said, it's in your blood."

"Yeah, but…what about your Spectre status? I'm sure the Council still needs you, Shepard. And what about the _Normandy_? Are you really willing to leave the crew behind? There is no _Normandy_ without you, Shepard."

Shepard smiled this time, looking at her face, which showed surprise, as well as an almost betrayed feeling, like he was abandoning everyone that had been there with him before, "Ash, I don't think the Council is going to mind me leaving, and, I'm only thinking about it right now. Need to talk with Admiral Hackett as well as the Council about this. As for the _Normandy_, well…It's a ship, Ash. And, based on what I was told, you did a damn fine job bringing her back. Besides, every Spectre needs their own ship, why not the _Normandy_? You know the crew, they know you. Perfect seamless transistion."

Ashley was taken aback by his words, how he seemed so casual about it. Was he really this serious about going back to civilian life? It was something that, in her own mind, seemed too far-fetched for her. She could only nod and then respond the only way she could think of, "I…I suppose, though I want to think about it." Shepard nodded as she looked out the window, now pondering. "Wow…I…I just can't believe this is even happening to me. 3 years ago, I was leading the 212 on Eden Prime, just some Gunnery Chief trying to prove herself. Then, I just happen to be saved by you and Alenko, helped you defeat Saren, get promoted all the way up to Lt. Commander, and now a Spectre?" She shook her head in personal disbelief, "How did this happen to me? How did I deserve all this?" Shepard smiled at this, giving a response that surprised her yet again.

"'Two roads diverged in the wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.'"

Ashley gave a soft laugh, looking back to him, "Frost. Guess you had some time to catch up on some reading, Commander."

"Have to do something to past the time in here. Nothing to do besides regular check-up scans and physical therapy."

"Yeah, I can imagine. Well…at least give me some time to think about this, Skipper. Vega and I are going to Earth. The Alliance needs help coordinating recovery efforts, and that's what we're going to do while everyone else is gone."

"Well, that's good. As soon as I'm cleared, I'll probably join you."

Ashley smirked and walked to the door, turning back to look at Shepard, "I'll hold you to that, Skipper. You get better as soon as humanly possible, then." Shepard grinned back and nodded as she walked out the door.

"Copy that, LC."

In the Mars Naval Medical Center morgue

Miranda stood there, her left hand on her brow, in a position like a bill on a cap. One, to comprehend what was in front of her, and two, to somewhat avert her eyes from the sight that she was seeing. She couldn't believe what it was, or rather, what it used to be. Admiral Hackett spoke from behind her.

"Can you confirm it, Ms. Lawson?"

Miranda nodded, still struggling to even look at what remained of the face, "Yes…That's…that's the Illusive Man." Hackett nodded, typing on a data pad. Miranda, meanwhile, as gristly as the dead man's face was, couldn't stop looking at it, "Wh-what the hell happened to him?"

"We're not entirely sure, Ms. Lawson, though it seems he had become heavily indoctrinated. All those marks and such are all over his body; we suspect it to be Reaper tech. We're going to investigate a bit more, see if we can find out more about who he was and how he ended up like this."

Miranda only sullenly nodded, turning away finally from the Illusive Man's body. It seemed like now all of her troubled past was finally gone from her, and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Everyone who had made her life trouble before, her father, the Illusive Man, even Kai Leng; all of them were gone now. It didn't make her feel better, though. All those years with Cerberus, trying all her hardest to earn not only the respect of her peers, but more importantly, the Illusive Man, and what good did it do for her? Everyone she had ever trusted had betrayed her, even the one person from her past that she always thought she could count on, Niket. He had helped her run away from her father, helped her take shelter in Cerberus. He had been, prior to certain people with Cerberus and Shepard, was the only person she could trust with anything. And then…then he sold her out to her father, betraying her and trying to steal Oriana from her family and to her father's tyranny. She remembered how bitter that was, how torn her words sounded: _Dammit, Niket! You were the only one I could trust!_

She had been close to doing what she had always done with those who betrayed her, to kill them with no remorse. She had done it with Wilson at the Lazarus facility, and she had done it to other people in years prior. Shepard stopped her, even though Niket still died at the hands of the Eclipse squad leader, Captain Enyala. Even though it wasn't what she had wanted, she was now glad Shepard stopped her. She even wondered if that was the moment she changed, where she became less of the person she had been and more of the person she was now. She didn't like that she had betrayed, more so that she had been blind to it. She remembered what Shepard had told her, though: _Even with all your genetic upgrades, you're still human, like the rest of us_. He had been right, and she was happy that he was right. It had all changed for her. After having nobody to trust, she now had at least two she knew she could count on: Oriana, and Shepard. She was still struggling to change herself, but as long as Shepard was with her helping, she knew she could still change.

She was actually glad that her past was now gone for her, and the body of the Illusive Man seemed to signify that for her. Now, she thought to herself, she could focus on more important things. Things like helping the whole galaxy, enjoying time with her sister, and living more of a normal life with Shepard, like they had talked about before. It all appealed to her even more now. She broke her chain of thought and turned to Hackett. "Admiral, if there's nothing else, I'm going to leave."

"Actually, there is one more thing I would like to ask of you. We're short of capable leaders right now, and we need someone to help coordinate assessment of damage as well as recovery on some of our colonies, most notably in the Terminus Systems. It's still a sketchy area, with rogue squads everywhere, and you know that area quite well."

Miranda nodded, "I can take care of it for you, Admiral, at least for a little while."

"That's all I need, Ms. Lawson, and thank you. I'll get you a small token force from our Special Ops division. This is still an Alliance operation, but we can't affiliate ourselves with you. We're going to simple list you as a free-lance volunteer."

"However you want to list me is fine, Admiral. Just give me whatever necessary resources are needed, and I can take care of the rest." Miranda spoke flatly, only subconsciously realizing she was acting like her old self: all business, nothing else. It made her cringe inwardly, realizing that she still needed changing, and that it was going to be difficult.

"Understood, Ms. Lawson. I'll get you what I can and you can leave within 12 hours. I'll contact you when everything's set." With that, Hackett nodded and left the room. Miranda paused, looking back at the Illusive Man's body before shaking her head, giving herself an irritated sigh, and walked back out the door, walking out in a pace that seemed to say that she was finally walking away from her past for good.

She now walked to Shepard's room, to say good-bye for now. Even though it was for the best, with him staying in the medical facility for a few more days at least, she still didn't like having to leave him again, even if it was only for a short while. It still made her heart hurt.

* * *

_WOOOO! Took me some time and some bad cases of writer's block, but here's Chapter 5! _

_This one was even tougher than I imagined, trying to write out Ashley's scenes with Liara and with Shepard, as well as the crew reuniting with Shepard. For those of you that may be wondering about Joker, he and Shepard will have their reunion in the next chapter. The next couple chapters will deal with rebuilding efforts, as well as Shepard's future with the Alliance and as a Spectre. It's not going to be a seamless change by any means, as you will see. The Alliance needs leaders, and the Council needs as many of their Spectres as possible. Like anything in his life, a possible retirement won't come easy for Shepard, as will other things as well._

_In writing out Ashley's relationship with Shepard, as former lovers, there are still feelings between them, as would be for any former couple that still harbor some love for one another. They still love and care for one another, though it's now a mutual love, though they still may have a possible tender moment again. Rest easy, I'm NOT making a love triangle between Ashley, Shepard, and Miranda. It's more of a gradual parting that will be going on. Shepard's with Miranda and no one else is in the picture. It's just that Ashley and Shepard need to sort some final things out with each other, nothing serious._

_Also, I will put Ashley in command of the _Normandy_ for a bit, though; as I have already planned, several circumstances will change that will ultimately have the _Normandy_ "honorably grounded", so to speak. What changes? You'll just have to keep reading and see! _

_If you read any of my earlier updates, yes, I AM going to kill off one of Shepard's squad members! It's going to pain me to do it, believe me, but it is the catalyst (no pun intended) to the second half of this story. _

_Next chapter will also feature returns of more of your favorite characters! Jack and Jacob for certain, and quite possibly Wrex, Samara, and maybe Grunt._

_Due to the large amount of school work coming with my final semester, it might be until near Christmas before I'll even be able to get started on Chapter 6. Thanks to all of you for being patient and people still following and favoring this story! I haven't forgotten about you and I promise to see this story through!_

_Also, since I'm only really a writer and have next to zero knowledge of pictures and Photoshopping, is anyone willing to possibly help me make a cover image for this story? PM me and we can work something out! I'll gratefully reward anyone who can help!_

_Okay, I've blabbed on enough._

_Keep Readin' and Writin'!_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Pain is Recovery's First Step**

Shepard wrapped his arms around Miranda, holding her body close to his. She leaned into his embrace, lowering her head as their foreheads gently rested against one another. This had been something that she hadn't been able to experience in what seemed like forever, and she wanted to enjoy as much of it as possible before she had to leave. Her own arms wrapped around his waist as she sighed gently, breaking the tender silence that the two were sharing. Shepard's voice spoke softly to her.

"Is it still bothering you, seeing the Illusive Man that way?" Shepard's hands rested on her waist, almost wanting to caress, though he knew that this conversation needed to happen. If they were going to be able to work as a couple, Shepard knew that they had to be able to talk about anything with each other. She frowned gently, moving her head to rest on his shoulder, turning her head so that she was speaking in his ear.

"I suppose…it's just that…" She sighed again more so now with irritation than anything. "I can't believe he actually allowed himself to become indoctrinated by the Reapers, that he thought controlling the Reapers were the better option. I remember him telling me how it was up to Cerberus to stop the Reapers…and that he wanted to do so by controlling them, selling out humanity? It seems that everyone I ever could trust had turned their back on me. My father, Niket, the Illusive Man…"She cringed at this, feeling tears well up in her eyes again, "How am I supposed to trust anyone when they always betray me in the end?" Shepard gently eased the embrace, putting his hand under her chin, tilting her head up to look at him, his eyes staring earnestly at her.

"Miranda, you can't keep bothering yourself about those who betrayed you. Like I told you, you're still human, and we all make mistakes about who we trust. I trusted Udina, since he pushed hard for me to become a Spectre, only to see him sell us out and attempt a coup on the Council. You don't think I'm upset that I trusted him once?" He paused for a moment, and then leaned his head forward, once again resting his forehead against hers, his voice soft, but also deep to her. "I know it's going to be hard, Miranda, but you do have two people you can always trust: myself and your sister. And there are others too. It won't be easy, but you can trust others."

She nodded, "I know…It's something I need to work on, as well as...having a normal life…" She raised her eyes to look at his, giving a light smile at this. "Are you certain that you want to do this, retire from the Alliance?" She knew about how much the Alliance meant to Shepard. It had been his escape from life on the streets, his chance to make himself a better person and to have a better future. He nodded to her, smiling back gently.

"I'm certain about this, Miranda. After everything that I've been through…This is what I want, more than anything, to spend the rest of my life in peace…with you." His hands slid around to the small of her back, caressing just slightly, though the firm, yet tender touch still caused her to shiver slightly, biting her lip as she felt his touch. She couldn't still understand why she felt this way, why Shepard made her feel like this. She was a mature woman at almost 35 years of age, yet she felt almost like a naïve teenage girl when she was around Shepard. Her heart fluttered, even when she was happily in his embrace, even more when they would part and she would recall their time together in her mind. It made her feel content, confident, yet excited in anticipation of seeing him again. It was still something new for her, feeling this new love for Shepard, as well as the anticipation of a normal life with him. It made her give a coy smile, biting her lower lip. It was a look that nearly made Shepard melt inside.

"I would like nothing more, Shepard. I think both of us deserve a normal life, though I should remind you, it will be hard for me. You saw that back at the casino." She recalled that night. She had invited him on impulse, after Oriana had surprised her with the red dress she had purchased for her. She couldn't deny when she first tried it that it looked stunning on her. It was visually appealing in so many ways. Almost seductive in what it showed, yet was classy for any proper occasion. She remembered walking in, almost embarrassed, since she had never worn a dress before in her adult life, but the approving looks she had garnered from other men as she walked by the tables made her smile inwardly, making her wonder if Shepard would approve as well. She was trying her hand at Roulette when he showed up, looking quite dashing in his black evening suit, if she had to admit. Seeing his eyes shine as he looked her over, it made her feel like the special woman she knew she was for him.

It was still awkward for her, though, trying to act like a normal person, and it showed. She was struggling badly at roulette, as she knew he saw. However, as she recalled, Shepard seemed more than willing to help her. She recalled him going behind her, his arms wrapping around her, holding her close to him, feeling his hands rest on her stomach. She remembered how much her heart raced when it happened, as he spoke tenderly in her ear.

_Miranda, you're here, you're beautiful, and I have you to myself. So tonight, I'm just going to be a regular guy taking his best girl out on the town._

_No space heroes or super-spies?_

_Nope. Just bright lights, a few games, and some very foolish choices…_

The rest of that night was wonderful for her. They spent the rest of the night enjoying the many games the casino had, sharing glasses of wine, and much to her own personal surprise, no mention of the war or Cerberus or anything of the like. It was the best night of her life to that point, and even the thought of it still made her smile many times. She was sure that that night affected Shepard the same way as well, especially when he responded.

"I know it will be hard, Miranda, but I'll need help with it as well. We'll be there for each other, through it all." His promise made her smile even more.

"Glad to hear it…" She was about to say more, but a sudden beeping caused her to frown and curse under her breath as she responded, "Yes?"

"_Ms. Lawson, our squad's assembled in the landing bay. Ready to leave when you are_."

Miranda sighed and nodded, "I'll be right there." She ended the transmission, her face softening to a pained expression as she leaned into Shepard as much as she could. He spoke assuring to her.

"Don't worry. Our time together will come soon. Just be careful out there." Miranda smiled and kissed him deeply, the kiss and embrace lingering as long as it could be allowed, since the parting meant she was going away to help colonies in the Traverse, and she was going to be gone for possibly a week. She broke the kiss and embrace reluctantly, but still smiled to him.

"No promises." She said it with a smirk. The tone told Shepard that she was only joking, since it was going to be mostly just supervising clean-ups and such. Still, with so many bands of rogue mercenaries and looters running around, he was still genuine in that she would be careful. He knew that she was more than capable of looking after herself, he had seen that numerous times, but it still bothered him, not being at her side for it. She gave him one last kiss and whispered to him, "I love you."

"I love you too, Miranda." She smiled more dearly to him and slowly backed away before walking out of the room, leaving Shepard alone as he gave a heavy sigh. It was bothering him; not just that Miranda was out helping the galaxy recover, but his team was as well. Since they had all been together to defeat first Saren and then the Collectors, they were never apart, never without him. As much as he was looking forward to leaving the Alliance to live a more normal life in peace, with Miranda, he still felt he had a duty to help his team in the recovery and rebuilding of the galaxy. It caused him to feel restless for the first time since he had been put under arrest by the Alliance before the Reapers attacked. He sighed again, crossing his arms as he started to pace through his room again. Even though it was slightly bigger than the room he had been held in Vancouver, it felt almost smothering for him, since he couldn't leave until he was cleared by Alliance medical staff. He tried to think of something else to take his mind off it, and recalling his talk with Miranda about her leaving Cerberus, it made him think of the aftermath of the Collector Base…

_10 months earlier_

Shots were flying by Shepard as he ran, the whizzing of the Collectors' bullets buzzing by his ears as he kept running, trying to keep up with Tali and Miranda, who were ahead of him, running to where the _Normandy_ was going to extract them. He shuddered as he heard Harbinger's voice echoing through the base.

"HUMAN, YOU HAVE CHANGED NOTHING! YOUR ACTIONS HAS THE ATTENTION OF THOSE INFINITELY YOUR GREATER. THAT WHICH YOU KNOW AS REAPERS ARE YOUR SALVATION THROUGH DISTRUCTION!"

The voice seemed to echo through his soul as he continued to run. It echoed like Sovereign's voice did two years prior, when he "spoke" to it on Virmire. Shepard couldn't help but feel a sense of foreboding, that he had awakened sleeping giants, that he now knew that the Reapers were going to begin their imminent arrival.

Shepard kept running, and then saw the _Normandy_ hover in the distance, Tali and Miranda much closer to it. He could see Joker suddenly appearing at the main door, firing an Avenger assault rifle, even though he risked injury from the gun's kickback. Joker's covering fire allowed Tali and Miranda to get on board easily, though Shepard felt the ground shudder underneath him and saw a big part of the base fall and take out the platforms that the _Normandy_ was hovering near, causing a much larger distance for Shepard to jump. He ran as fast as he could, though he could now feel his lungs starting to burn, his legs doing the same, but he kept running. He timed himself as perfectly as he could, pushing off the edge of the cliff he ran to, jumping as hard as he could. Time seemed to slow down for him as well as everyone else watching him jump. He flew through the air, his body soaring to the _Normandy_. It was going to be close…Shepard felt himself start to fall and he extended his arms at the last minute as he saw himself start to fall away from the _Normandy_. His arms impacted inside the main door, catching Shepard and stopping his fall, though he could still feel himself starting to slip. He saw three hands reach down for him, each of the three individuals calling out to him to grab on, every one of them helping him on board. He felt a few slight jolts of Collector bullets hitting his armor as he was pulled on board, the door closing as soon as he was inside. While Tali and Miranda helped him to his feet, Joker hobbled back to the cockpit, EDI's voice calling out.

"_Detonation in 10, 9, 8-_"

"Yeah, I get the gist of it, EDI, hold on!" Joker settled himself back into the pilot's chair, his hands instantly flying around as he got the _Normandy_ to quickly turn and fly out the exit of the Collector base, the explosions rocking the ship as it flew out, Joker immediately turning it to the direction near where they had arrived through the Omega-4 relay. Behind them, the Collector base completely exploded, the shockwave starting to blast out towards the _Normandy_. Joker called out, "Brace for FTL!" and pounded his fist against the activation of the FTL drive, Shepard, Miranda, and Tali all grabbing onto something to keep them upright as they were pulled back some by the G-forces coming from the ship reaching FTL speed. After a long minute, Joker disengaged the FTL and the ship slowed down, now away from the galactic core where the Collector base had been. No sound was heard aside from the subtle noise of the engine powering down from FTL speed and the heavy breathing of everyone in the cockpit. Finally, Tali's voice broke the silence, with a tone of shocked relief.

"…_Keelah_…we…we did it…" Shepard saw her slumped against the copilot's chair, her arms resting on the headrest, her head settled on her folded arms. He then looked over to Miranda, who was leaning against the wall that acted as a sort of doorframe to the cockpit. She was resting her forearm flat against it, her head resting against her arm, her breathing heavy and shaking as she gave sharp exhales, her eyes closed, a tear sliding down her cheek. He could tell they were tears of relief. Even he could scarcely believe it. They had actually done it. Even though there had always been a slight sliver of hope, Shepard wasn't sure at all if they would survive the mission. Somehow, some way…they were all alive.

Leaning against Joker's pilot seat, he reached forward, pressing the intercom button. He paused, then finally spoke, "Team…crew…we…we have done it. We've destroyed the Collector base…and we all made it through alive. We're on our way home now. Thank you…every one of you. You…you all did what was expected of you, and more. I couldn't ask for anything more…" He turned off the intercom and let out a sharp exhale before finally speaking. His own body was shaking almost against his will, and his voice was also no different as the facts were finally sinking in. "EDI, get us to the nearest mass relay, if you can."

"_I'll begin scans immediately. Also, Commander, the Illusive Man wishes to speak with you_." EDI's last sentence caused Shepard to nod in expectation. He walked through the CIC to the elevator, seeing some of the damage from the approach to the Collector base. Some wires dangling from the ceiling, sparking at times, panels jolted loose, and the like. Fortunately, the elevator was working and he went down to the briefing room…

After confronting the Illusive Man and changing out of his armor, Shepard walked through the ship, seeing his crew already working on repairs. He couldn't help and smile some at what he saw. In the Med Bay, Mordin was helping Dr. Chakwas treat the wounded. Down in the shuttle bay, Grunt and Garrus were clearing the largest pieces of the damaged ship away, Thane, Samara, and Jack willingly helping in any measure they could. In the engine room, Tali and Legion were working together on technological repairs. Shepard saw Jacob assisting other crew members in repairs, Miranda supervising everything at the moment. Shepard walked up to her and she gave a light smile, one that appeared just a friendly smile, but Shepard knew it meant more.

"Yes, Commander?"

"Do you have a minute, Miranda?" He had said it so much to her, that it was almost becoming habit for him to say it. She nodded.

"For you, of course." She put on a box of parts nearby the data pad she was holding and walked to where Shepard gestured for her to go, to her office on the Crew Deck. She went to the desk, leaning against it slightly, her arms crossed, "So, what did you want to talk about?" She almost knew what he was going to ask her, but she really wanted him to say it out loud.

"Miranda…what you said to Illusive Man on the Collector Base…did you really mean it?" She frowned slightly and thoughtfully as she pondered his question as well as what she had said back on the Collector base. The words were still fresh in her mind and she had been rethinking them over and over again.

_Miranda, do not let Shepard destroy the base!_

_Or what, you'll replace _me_ next?_

_I gave you an order, Miranda!_

_I noticed. Consider this my resignation…_

She still couldn't quite comprehend what she had said and that she had said it. Part of her wanted to go back to the Illusive Man and apologize, but she really knew better. And that she suggested that she would be the next to be replaced by him? She had seen it happen many times before; anyone who crossed the Illusive Man was fairly quickly replaced, with no knowledge of what happened to the individual. And even though she had been his second-in-command and essentially his right hand, she also knew that even she could be easily replaced. She wasn't the Illusive Man's only favorite, not by a long shot. There were others, including his prized assassin, Kai Leng. That name still made her bitter and irritated. She had had to work with him on several assignments and missions in years past and to say that they never saw eye-to-eye was an understatement. She had many times gone to Illusive Man to voice her concerns about him and his methods, but every time, his response was very much the same: _Kai Leng_ _is the best at what he does and I trust him to do what is necessary. If he crosses the line too much, I will deal with it as I see fit. Otherwise, he is not of your concern…_

"Miranda?" Shepard's words broke through her thoughts, causing her to blink and turn to him, his face showing some concern, "Are you sure about what you said to him? That you're resigning from Cerberus?"

She looked at him, then looked down at the Cerberus patch just above her left breast. Her right hand reached over to the patch, running over it briefly. Very few of her outfits were without it. It was who she was…She grabbed the edge of the patch and pulled as hard as she could, the ripping loud in the almost-silent room as she pulled the patch off and, after briefly looking at it, tossed it to her desk, Shepard looking at the patch then back at her as she looked at the patch as well before looking at him.

"I believe that answers your question well enough, Shepard..." She looked at the patch again and sighed, putting a hand on her forehead, as she pondered everything again, "I…I honestly don't know what I'm going to do now. Cerberus was…was everything for me. What am I supposed to do, now I'm done with them?" Shepard walked up to her, putting his hand on her shoulder. He spoke in a serious, yet dear tone to her.

"Miranda, I don't know what any of us can do right now, but I do know this; We're all in this together. We'll find a way through this together." She smiled softly and simply leaned into Shepard, wrapping her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. His own arms went around her, stroking her back as he thought over what he had said. He knew that there was a big target on not just him and Miranda, but the whole _Normandy_. It was a Cerberus vessel, built by Cerberus, and now they had effectively stolen it from the Illusive Man.

Even though he had told her they would find a way to figure it out, he was concerned himself. Where could they go now? To the Alliance? While they would accept a new state-of-the-art modernized frigate, what about all his team had done? Firefights on the _Purgatory_, blowing up a facility on Pragia, assisting in the assassination of a former asari diplomat? While he knew everyone else on the crew could only be tried as accessories or that they were not officially affiliated with Cerberus, Shepard knew that he himself still had a lot of questions to answer if he went back to the Alliance, especially since he was no longer a Spectre…

_Present_

Shepard remembered what had happened after that. It was only a week before the Alliance got word of all that the _Normandy_'s crew and team did. Since Shepard had been in command, and was once again, technically, still a member of the Alliance, he acted outside of Alliance jurisdiction, as well as the Council's, since the Council confirmed Shepard had lost his Spectre status. He remembered Admiral Hackett boarding, and though he was polite, still ordered Shepard to turn the _Normandy_ over to the Alliance, which Shepard naturally obeyed…

A sudden opening of the door broke Shepard out of his recollections and turned to Dr. Michel, anticipating another check-up and physical therapy.

_6 hours later; Outskirts of London_

It had once been a thriving city, only months ago, it seemed. Now, it was nothing but piles of almost indistinguishable rubble. There were some buildings still standing, but they were nothing but the shells of what they once were. It made anyone's heart cringe at what was there. Rubble, remains of both regular people and Reaper creatures, other random debris…Ashley looked at the visual monitor, her hands clasped in front of her face as she sat forward in the shuttle, seeing the images of destruction. Even though she had been on Earth very few times, including the final battle for Earth, it still bothered her. It was the human home world, where they all began. James stood near her, holding on to one of the handles on the ceiling of the shuttle as Lt. Cortez's voice broke her thoughts.

"Lt. Commander, there's no safe landing spot. All the terrain is not level or not confirmed stable." Williams stood up and went to the shuttle door, opening it and looking out for herself.

"Then get us as low as you can, Cortez. We'll jump. And then go pick up that com tower. Once we get a set landing site, we'll mark it with a flare."

"Yes, ma'am. Good luck down there. Looks very bad."

"That's putting it lightly, Esteban!" James spoke with a somewhat annoyed tone. Ashley could understand it, all the times he talked about wanting to return to Earth back on the Normandy. It was his home, and she knew it pained James to see it this way, even more than it pained her. The shuttle found as open and stable a landing area as he could and hovered 10 feet above. Ashley leaped out first, Vega following right by her side. The both landed on their feet, the momentum of their fall causing them to nearly fall on their knees, their hands stopping their complete fall. Dust and debris swirled around them as the shuttle hovered briefly and then ascended and fired its main thrusters, flying off. Williams turned to her left, seeing a man walking towards them. He wasn't Alliance, but she recognized him, his black, white, and grey uniform a dead giveaway. The man walked up and nodded to them, extending his hand.

"Lt. Commander Williams, Lt. Vega." Jacob Taylor greeted Ashley and James, his uniform dirty and in need to some minor repair, his body showing signs of fatigue. However, the tone of his voice seemed to show relief. Williams smiled back shaking his hand, Vega shaking Jacob's hand after her.

"Good to see you, Mr. Taylor. How are things going?" Jacob's face remained stoic, though his eyes showed concern as he led them to the camp he had made with a group of survivors. There was a mix of all sorts of people there, from Alliance troops to resistance volunteers to regular civilians.

"It's been sketchy at best, Lt. Commander. We've been able to find survivors, but our situation is pretty bad. We got wounded, some of them very serious, and the people with medical experience that we've found have their hands full. We have found some supplies, but there are gangs of looters around. We're doing all we can to keep them at bay. Most of the people we have here barely know how to fire a gun. That's why I'm glad you both are here. Looters will think twice about going against a Spectre."

Ashley nodded, looking around, observing the camp around her. What Jacob was telling her seemed to be a sugar coat compared to what she was actually seeing. There were, for the most part, makeshift shelters, almost everyone there, a few dozen, looked to be wounded to some extent. She could tell they were just barely hanging on, and it pained her, doubly because she knew her own family could've been in the same situation. She shook her head of the thought and decided to change to topic, looking at the big piles of debris lying around, "And what about all this rubble? Anything that can be done about that?"

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

Before Jacob could respond, the young feminine voice broke through, followed by a loud biotic blast, with some large pieces of rubble being blown away nearby, some of the smaller pieces landing around the trio. Turning to the direction of the voice and the blast, they could see a cloud of dust, the figure behind it almost completely outlined by their biotic aura. As it walked through the dust, the aura faded, and the individual came into full view, her shaved sides of her head and studded leather jacket an instant giveaway as to who it was. It was Taylor who spoke first, clearly even more annoyed than Ashley and Vega expected.

"Dammit, Jack, not so close to the camp! You're going to kill somebody there!"

The punky human biotic smirked, crossing her arms as she scoffed, "Relax, Taylor. I know where the big pieces go when I aim and shoot." She turned and nodded to Ashley and James, "And nice to see the Alliance glamor couple as well." Jack shook hands with the two, both of them addressing Jack by name. Vega then nodded to the slowly fading dust cloud behind them.

"So, you're the one clearing out the debris then, Jack?"

"Some of it. My kids are the ones doing the majority of it." She brushed some excess dust off of her sleeves as she gestured behind her, the light breeze blowing the few loose strands of what still consisted of her hair around her face. Ashley tilted her head in question.

"Your…kids? You mean the biotic students from Grissom Academy."

"Yeah. They were providing Alliance marines protective barriers. Kept them safe but close enough to see some action-" A sudden loud thud and a male "Umph!" caused Jack to frown and turn her head sharply to the direction of the voice, "DAMMIT, PRANGLEY, WATCH YOUR AMPS! YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET IT IF I HAVE TO DRAG YOUR SORRY ASS OUT OF A PILE AGAIN!"

"Sorry, ma'am!" the young male responded, while Jack shook her head turning back to the trio.

"Little shits still get themselves over their heads sometimes." Ashley gave Jack a strange look, and was about to ask before James spoke up.

"Uh, are you sure it's okay talking to teenagers like that, Jack?" Jack smirked, keeping her arms crossed.

"Hey, don't worry about it, lieutenant. They're used to it. Shit, they even get concerned when I _don't_ talk to them like that," She then turned back to where her biotic students were clearing debris, calling out again, "Hey, Rodriguez, way to go! Keep it up and I might get you that little stuffed unicorn you always wanted!"

"Screw you, ma'am!"

Jack grinned with a chuckle and turned back to Ashley and James, "See? Nothing to get in a twist over." Her grin then faded, turning serious, "I have to have them doing something to keep them occupied. Almost all of them have no word on their families or friends, whether they're alive or not. All they have is me and each other. Luckily, there's a lot of shit to do here, otherwise, they would be worried as all hell." She then looked over at Ashley, "So, princess, you leading this camp now, or what?"

Williams gave Jack a stern look, then shook her head, as if to brush away the snide comment, "Yeah, the plan is for this area to become the main refugee camp. Once we get a landing area set and a com station, we'll start sending Alliance personnel and supplies here." She then exhaled, as if to rid herself of any self-doubt she had on her leadership abilities. "Vega, I want you to go check on the supplies, see what is most needed and what can be spared. Jacob, once you show him where the supply stash is, divide up the wounded. Those with the most serious injuries will be extracted to either a medical ship or to the Mars medical center, the rest can be cared for here. Jack, do you think you can get us a stable landing platform for shuttles?"

Jack shrugged, "Sure, why not? Should be able to get you something in the next hour or so…" She glanced around for a moment, then looked back at Ashley, "So, is what I hear true? Shepard survived?" Ashley noticed Jacob turning to her in question as well and she nodded.

"Yeah. Still find it hard to believe, myself. He's on Mars right now, at the Alliance medical center, but should be released in the next few days."

Taylor gave a genuine smile, his first in what seemed like years, "That's great to hear, Lt. Commander. I still owe him a trip to Mediterranean, if I recall. Glad I can still pay up on that." Jack smirked at Jacob slightly.

"Why so eager about it, Taylor? Worried Shepard's still banging that Cerberus cheerleader?" Ashley winced inwardly, still a bit hit that Shepard and Miranda were together. Jacob's face turned serious again as he looked at Jack sternly.

"Miranda left Cerberus after we defeated the Collectors, Jack. You know that as well as anyone."

"Relax, I was just seeing how…" She then noticed Ashley looking away, starting to seemingly distance herself from the rest of the conversation, "What's wrong, princess? Is it bothering you too, knowing Shepard's with that chick, Lawson?"

Ashley promptly turned to Jack, walking right up to her face, her dark eyes flashing in restrained anger, her tone echoing the same thing, "I'll thank you for not calling me that again…_ever_. Now, you all have your orders." She wanted to say more, but she knew that the next words coming out were going to be even worse than the ones she had just said and she just turned her heels and went over to some of the refugees, to talk to them. Jack continued to smirk and shook her head again, her arms remaining crossed.

"Wow, must've struck quite the nerve with that. What'd I miss?"

Jacob just shook his head in distain to Jack, "Apparently a lot…" He gave her a glare of his own before gesturing for Vega to follow him. Jack watched the two depart, then looked over at Williams, before chuckling softly to herself.

"Wow, this is the bullshit I get for trying to be nice for the first time in my life? Why do I even bother?" She mused this almost comically to herself before turning back to her working students, giving a loud clap to get their attention, "ALRIGHT, KIDS, LISTEN UP!"

_2 days later; Mars Naval Medical Center_

Shepard finished putting his N7 leather jacket on as Dr. Michel's omni-tool scanned over him one last time. She finished her scan and nodded, "It all looks good, Commander." She typed a few things on her omni-tool and smiled, "There you are, you're medically cleared to leave." Shepard smiled and nodded back to her.

"Thanks, doctor. You did a great job."

"It was the least I could do after what you and Garrus did to help me against Fist's thugs in the Wards. Best to you, Commander." She nodded to Shepard and then turned to Admiral Hackett, who was standing by the door, nodding in recognition to him as she walked out of the room, to lend her help in other parts of the medical center. Hackett waited for Shepard as he finished dressing himself and then approached the admiral, nodding that he was ready to leave. Hackett half-smiled and nodded back and the two walked out the room together, leading Shepard to where the _Normandy_ was docked.

"Well, Commander, it must be nice to finally be out of here. Can't imagine a man like you getting used to not being on your ship."

Shepard smirked over at Hackett, "You know me almost too well, Admiral. It'll be nice to get back on the _Normandy_, though you know it probably won't be my ship anymore."

Hackett glanced over at Shepard, this time with a raised eyebrow, "It will be, for now, at least. I understand your request for early retirement, and I respect it as much as anyone would, but right now, I need every able man I can, at least until we're back on our feet. Besides, everyone knows the _Normandy_ is your ship, Commander. As far as the rest of the galaxy's concerned, you ARE the _Normandy_. I can't see anyone else, no disrespect to Lt. Commander Williams, commanding that ship. Like I said, though, I won't be making a decision on this until the Alliance has some semblance of normalcy."

"Understood, sir." Shepard just nodded as he pondered Hackett's words. As much as he agreed with him, that Shepard WAS the _Normandy_, he still felt that the ship could work just fine without him. Plus, he felt the _Normandy_ wasn't suited to just sit somewhere as a museum ship. She was a very capable frigate; the pride of the Alliance fleet, a symbol of the galaxy's might. She needed to be out in space showing that might, and if it wasn't him commanding her, it might as well be Ashley.

With that, he was caught off guard when Hackett suddenly stopped, showing that they had already arrived at the landing bay where the _Normandy_ was docked. It was night time, so there weren't that many people around in the medical center. This was so to avoid a big amount of attention from the fact that Shepard was being released from the medical center. There were a minimal amount of people circulating through the building as Shepard had walked by, and a few did take notice of him. Still, it surprised Shepard that no more attention was brought to him being medically cleared, though it was a happy surprise for him. Like he had said many times, as much as the rest of the galaxy idolized him, he still felt of himself as a soldier, no different than the others who had served the Alliance.

Hackett nodded to Shepard and shook his hand, "We'll talk more later, Commander. Take a day or two to settle in, then we can talk about your pending future with the Alliance. I'll also see if we can get you to talk to the Council as well."

"Yes, sir. Good night."

Hackett turned and headed to a nearby shuttle, setting out to meet with the rest of Alliance brass. As much as his duties had been needed, he chose to stay close to Mars until Shepard was cleared. Now that was taken care of, he was, in his mind, free to return to his admiral duties. Shepard, meanwhile, walked to the _Normandy_, walking to the main door, seeing it open, followed by the airlock. He stepped inside, walking in a relatively slow pace as he strolled to the CIC. The ship was uncharacteristically empty, due to the ship being in dry dock. There was only a small skeleton crew manning the ship, aside from the crews working the retrofits and repairs. The CIC was completely empty save for one person, who was pacing near the galaxy map, muttering to herself as she was looking at a data pad. Shepard grinned and walked to the woman's direction, then stood in her intended walking path. She didn't notice him until it was too late.

"No, no, that isn't going to wo-OMPH!" Samantha Traynor staggered back as she ran into what she instantly realized was another person, though her mouth was quick to act before anything else, "Dammit, can't you-" She looked up and gasped, nearly dropping her data pad as she saw who it was. "C-Commander! I-I'm so sorry, I-I-I…"

Shepard chuckled, putting his hand up, "Relax, Traynor, it's fine." He grinned as he saw her start to reach for him, then paused, knowing that she was recalling Alliance protocol. He just shook his head and opened his arms to her, "Come here, Specialist. No need to be formal here." She returned the smile and hugged him, letting out a couple happy sobs.

"It's good to have you back, Commander. It just isn't the same Normandy without you." She broke the hug, looking up to Shepard, "Though, I must say, Lt. Commander Williams did an admirable job captaining in your absence."

"I know she did, Traynor. Everyone on this crew did a great job, including you." He smiled back to her as she smiled almost shyly back, seemingly a bit flustered still by the compliment. Shepard glanced around then, his face turning a bit more serious, "Where's Joker?"

Traynor's face turned to one of embarrassment, "Uh…I honestly don't know, Commander. I…I've been trying to help the repair crews here fixing the _Normandy_'s systems. I… haven't really noticed him around, Commander."

Shepard nodded, "Well, let me know as soon as you can. I'll be up in my cabin." He gave her an assuring smile as she nodded back. Shepard walked to the elevator, heading up to the captain's cabin…He stepped inside, pausing to take it all in. He couldn't help but smile a bit more as he saw it was still as he remembered it. His fish tank was still operating, his fish still serenely swimming around inside. His ship models still sat in their display cases around his main desk. At his other desk, he saw his old N7 helmet, which he had found when he had explored the original _Normandy_'s wreck. He slowly went to the bed, sitting down and simply gazing around the room. Even though he had meant it, he pondered whether he really should give Ashley command of the _Normandy_. In a sense, this ship, this cabin…it was his home. Having never lived in one before his whole life, this was as close to a permanent home as he had ever had. He still wasn't sure of the apartment that Anderson had left for him at the Citadel was still there…

"_Commander, I found Joker. He's…at the bar on the crew deck. Seems like he's been there for a while_…"

"Thanks, Traynor." Shepard responded and sighed gently. He knew he had to talk to Joker. The rest of his team had told him about EDI, and the fact that Joker hadn't left the ship at all since the Crucible had been fired…He stood up and went to the elevator, leaning against the wall, his arms folded as he tried to ponder what he could say to Joker, especially if it was as bad as Traynor made it sound.

The elevator door opened and Shepard walked to the Port Observation deck, where he knew the bar was. The door opened and he stepped inside. There, sitting on one of the stools, almost completely laying forward against the bar, was the Normandy's pilot. Shepard slowly walked up to him, seeing that there were two empty bottles lying nearby, another one almost empty. It made him cringe, trying to brace what was about to come.

"…Joker?"

The pilot slowly raised his head and turned to the voice speaking to him, a glass still in his left hand as he looked to the Commander. It pained Shepard to see the face that was looking back at him; Joker's eyes were completely bloodshot, and despite the amount of alcohol he had drank, which caused an impenetrable cloud of its stench to waft around him, there was still pain and heartbreak in his eyes and face, even though he cracked a light, though sarcastic, smile.

"Well, hey, Commander! Nice of you to join us with the living again! Heard you're back with that bubbly ass, Miranda, too; that's GREAT! Nice to see everyone else's having a nice happy reunion, with no one to care less about poor little heartbroken, Joker!" Shepard cringed slightly at Joker's liquor-fueled words. Joker paid no attention as he continued to rant and vent, "I mean, sure you destroyed the Reapers and even the Geth, but did it matter that EDI was destroyed as well; OF COURSE NOT! Since when does what _I_ want ever matter to you, Commander?" He finished his glass, then slammed it hard against the bartop.

"Joker-"

Morneau, as fast as he could, stood up, facing Shepard, his right hand keeping himself standing, his eyes now raging, "No, you know what, Shepard? Fuck you! FUCK-YOU! All this time we spent together, all the shit I did for you; Getting you and Liara out of the ruins at Therum, dropping you into the tiniest drop zone in Alliance history on Ilos, leading the attack on Sovereign, covering your ass as you got out of the Collector Base, making sure your goddamn clone didn't fly off with the_ Normandy_, and none of that mattered SHIT to you, DID IT?!" He tried to take a step forward, but instead staggered, Shepard quickly catching him.

"Joker, listen to me….You listening?" He gave Joker a light slap on the cheek, trying to get his attention. Joker just groaned slightly. "Joker, I had no choice. There was nothing else I could've done…" It wasn't entirely the truth, but Shepard knew he had to assure Joker that if he could've saved EDI, he would've. Joker just shook his head.

"Yeah, whatever you say, Commander…It'll always be about you…always…" He was on the verge of passing out as Shepard hooked his arm around Joker's waist, holding him up as he led the pilot to the crew's quarters. Shepard didn't say anything as he led Joker to a lower bunk and laid him down on it.

"Joker…" Shepard sighed softly, "There's nothing more I can really say right now, not with you drunk like this…Get some rest, sober up, and we'll talk tomorrow."

Joker groaned lightly and settled back on the bunk, "Yeah, sure…see you, Commander…talk tomorrow…" He gave a drunken yawn and then started snoring almost instantly. Shepard stood there at the doorway watching briefly and then slowly going back to his cabin, pondering what Joker had said to him, about all Joker had done for him and then to lose EDI, someone he was actually falling in love with. It caused Shepard to feel even more guilt. He now knew this was going to take greater effort than he had expected…

* * *

_FINALLY! Got this pain of a chapter done with! Haha, just kidding, but boy was this no picnic! Didn't get started on this until after the holiday rush, thanks to heavy work hours and finishing my classes. A lot of work and not a lot of time to work on it_

_Got a lot of new things over the holidays; new laptop, new work days (no more weekend work for me), and a new girlfriend! (My first in 7 years! I know, pretty sad, a guy like me staying single that long, right?)_

_I had tried to get this chapter finished earlier this week, but had a setback with a bad cold, or maybe was the flu, not really sure. All I know was that I was miserable for about 3 days._

_As for this chapter, there was a lot to write about, probably more than I wanted to, but needed to get this out of the way before the fun really begins. Actually enjoyed writing the scenes with Jack and Joker in this; Jack really has no couth at all does she? And Joker finally blows some inner steam out, but what can you expect when someone is grieving a loss like his?_

_The next two chapters will come faster, that much is certain, and I have some ideas on what will be done, though going to keep it open, see where my writing takes me._

_Also, just saw a new ME comic series is out, ME: Foundation, and I'll probably start to input some of the stories of that into this one._

_I also have a couple one-shots in the works, including my own ME2 "deleted scene" where Jack confronts the Illusive Man about the Pragia facility. Plus, I'm starting to think of doing a Miranda prequel, The Lawson Chronicles, which follows Miranda from leaving her father to joining Cerberus and trying to prove herself to the Illusive Man. Thoughts, opinions, questions? Bring them and I will value your input!_

_And thanks for still paying attention to this story! The fact that each chapter keeps giving me new followers and favorites and reviews makes sure that I won't be abandoning this story!_

_So, keep readin' and writin' and reviewin'!_


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